What do you see?

Here is a good one.  When you look at the world, what do you see?  Countries, economies, and armies?  Hollywood, Bollywood, or Broadway?  Buildings built by our predecessors for us  to inhabit until we die and pass them on to the next?  Do you see the population as friends, strangers, enemies, or family?  I see us as one.  We are all connected, but there are powers that be that force wedges between us.  We are all humans on the same planet, our perceptions vary, but we’re all here.  The sky is the same, the earth is the same.  Small minded people will argue semantics of sky sections or dirt/rock/sand types.  In the end we are all just people trying to understand our place in the chaotic existence.  I believe some find solace in not looking so far into the meaning of it all.  We should all be sharing our resources and knowledge for the betterment of humankind.  Nothing beyond that should matter, but we fill up our time making reasons to be bothered by the inconsequential.  I guess I’m not saying to love one another, just don’t bother hating anyone.  There exists so many saying, phrases, and statements that say something similar I know I’m not alone in this.

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a series of events

Well, as the events of recent keep getting more obscure than I could image(just a series of “coincidences” that are frustrating), I struggle to understand the meaning of it all.  I found my original Vaccination records, only to find out that it’s not clear enough for them college to accept it.  So after the months of waiting, I still have to go to a clinic and get a titer test.  The waiting was for nothing?  All I can do is shake my head and carry on.  I am trying to see it from other perspectives, with little success.  This is the chapter that never ends.

It’s not knowing

I am in control of so much that goes on in my life.  The routine is only altered when I choose it to.  I think that’s why I am pushing so far out of my comfort zone lately.  The most exhilarating moments are the ones we don’t know that are coming.  The intrigue is in the unknown.  Be them happy or sad, bad or good, those moments are what make us feel the most.  We can experience a full range of emotions normally, but the surprises are the highest form.  That is what, in my opinion, drives the human race to excel.  Pushing bounds we never knew existed.

Some people are able to take some solace in their faith, others either don’t share that faith, or are in doubt of it.  So there are people that look forward to surprises and other who fear them.  This manifests itself as anxiety, making some of us too afraid to try much of anything.  Depression heightens the anxiety levels into nearly unmanageable levels.  Lately I have had some pleasant moments a bit less anxious as I take steps out of the depression.

I turn here, to those of you that choose to read my thoughts, to reach out and share.  I feel that many of you understand on so many different levels.  I thank each one of you for reading.  Peace to you and yours.

Lyrics that make sense

I was just listening to a great artist, George Watsky.  One of his lines hit home really nicely.  “There’s 7 billion 47 million people on this planet and most of us have the audacity to think that we matter.”  He then follows up later in the song, Tiny Glowing Screens; part 2, with “And I’m celebrating on the weekends because there are 7 billion 47 million people on the planet and I have the audacity to think that I matter, I know it’s a lie, but I prefer it to the alternative.”

I smiled when I heard this song, because it rings very true lately.  I have the audacity to think that I can make a difference in this world.  I have the gall to believe that I was meant for something greater.  I contemplate greatness, because the alternative is just not appealing.  My blog is small, I’m not connected to very many people on my social network, but I want to believe that I can reach the masses one day.  I want to believe that I will make an impact, for the better, on this planet.  God has a plan for me, I don’t know what it is, but I will keep pushing until I have nothing left, then I will push farther until I collapse.  Peace to you and yours!

Painful realizations

I’ve reach a point in life where my current status quo is intolerable, but pushing forward is going to be a monumental challenge I’m not sure I’m strong enough for.  I can feel the internal struggle.  Part of me wants to be complacent.  I desire for a return to the normal way of life I understood, but every time I consider settling back down, I go through minor panic attacks.  The stress levels I have created for myself, I call my internal Kobayashi Maru.  For those non Star Trek fans, I feel like I have created an unwinnable scenario.  If I stay where I am, I feel like I will suffer an internal collapse that I could not recover from.  The alternative I have set up is to move myself 1200 miles away and re start a college life, while maintaining a full time job, without the direct support of the family that I have devoted my life to supporting.  I understand that it’s all perspective based, but my damaged psyche has trouble filtering the real emotion from the stress induced anxiety bursts.  I can see and understand that both options exists at the same moment.  They are both true and false at the same time.  Time will tell.

Ideally

The perfect form of government should be democracy, in theory.  2) Democracy: It is “generally defined as a form of government in which all adult citizens have an equal say in the decisions that affect their lives.”   At least as far as we have known in our lives.  To others, it’s Socialism; political and economic theory of social organization that advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole.

We have a far watered down form of democracy than was initially intended and for some unknown reason, socialism scares people.  So where does that leave all of us?  Feeling rather powerless.  We vote, hoping that it means something.  Then someone else comes and makes changes that hurt some while helping others.  Shouldn’t everything that happens in a government of the people, by the people, for the people, actually help all of the people?  It boggles my mind, thinking of how we got here.  Our governments are all doing the best they can with what they have, but we only look to what they do for us.  Too many disillusioned people raging against a machine they built with inaction and complacency.  The generations before us wonder why their system has been changed so much.  Our generation complains about the change.  The next generation is struggling in it’s fight to right the changes that took place that are causing so much damage.

These are just some of the things I ponder about, with too much time on my hands, waiting for the last few pieces to fall into place so I can start schooling.  Hope everyone have a great day.  Peace to you and yours.

an interesting quote

“Destiny rarely calls us at a moment of our choosing.”  After watching Guardians of  the Galaxy 2 for the 2nd time, this time with my father, I thought about that quote, from the 2nd Transformers movie.  It rings true for me.  I feel like the recent chain of events leading to my drastic life change is similar to the quote.  I was content where I was.  I no longer wanted to strive for anything more.  I believed that here in the USA we had real freedom.  I was ok with us struggling to pay our bills from month to month.  Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what I was doing and how we were living.  By some standards it is luxurious.  But something inside was awaken.  I have not pushed myself since my time in the USAF.  I have only lived within my comfort zone for more than 20 years.  To some this is a fine way to be, to me it is not.

I have, deep down, always wanted to make a difference in this world.  I have to find a way to cure depression.  Not just cover it’s symptoms, but heal the ailment as it exists.  Certain levels of depression are crippling, therefor is reasonable to believe that it does act like a persistent disease.  If it acts like it, it’s possible that there is some type of biological element causing it.  So it should be curable.  There are medicines that relieve the symptoms.  There are herbs that lift it, albeit temporarily.  If it can be manipulated by medicine, it should be healable.  The only reason not to cure it, is that it is more cost effective to treat it.  Just like so many things in the USA medical system.

In my opinion, which is rather obscure to most people, the people of the world should not have to pay for certain things, such as food, medicine, knowledge, and shelter.  These should all be communal necessities, the burden shared by every member.  The profits should be on luxuries such as vehicles, fine dining, travel, entertainment, and other extracurricular activities.  People should work because they choose to, as their purpose in life, not because they need to sell their time to pay to eat, so they can work more, to pay to be treated for ailments caused by working too much, and so on and so forth.  We have been taught to be grateful of our servitude.  “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” In this famous speech, it means the exact opposite of what it sounds like.  JFK’s speech is about the USA leading the world to a better place.  To defend freedom from it’s hour of maximum danger.  It feels like our country and lost it’s way.  He wanted the world to unite.  “Ask not what American will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.”  That is where we were meant to be.  “God’s work must truly be our own.”

Dr. Martin Luther King was another visionary such as Franklin Delano Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy.  He saw beyond what was holding us back.  He stood up, as any hero does, and moved us in the right direction.

All of those men were called upon, by destiny, to sacrifice themselves, their normal lives, for the greater good of humanity.  They are not the only ones, by ANY means, they are simply the ones that I know best.  Maybe I have been called.  Will I ever even know?  Or will my legacy tell my story.  Time will tell us HIS plan.

It is the civic duty of every American to entertain these thoughts.  Remember where we came from.  See the injustice around us.  Stand up against the those injustices.  Be the shelter to the tired, the poor, the yearning masses waiting to breathe free.  We should be proud of what our government stands for.  Instead of bowing our heads and looking away from the corruption of the systems.  We have the power to change it.  We should not be a world divided.  Liberty and Justice should be the right all mankind.  It should also be THEIR right to choose it.

I want to think that my ideals are shared by many, but I know I’m wrong.

 

 

Childhood toys

So, as a child, my favorite set of toys was my G.I. Joe collection.  To me, it represented my father.  He served in the Air Guard for a long time.  He seemed just as happy picking out soldiers and vehicles for me to play with, as I was playing with them.  G.I. Joe was the global hero core.  They represented all that was good and just.  Fighting against evil and teaching us lessons with each episode.  I still have my entire collection of G.I. Joe and almost sold them all.  Today I came to the realization of why I kept them and won’t let them go.  With Father’s Day coming, it was a nice time to remember some of the good stuff.  Peace to you and yours this weekend.  Celebrate what you like.

Who are we?

Who are we if not the memories that we tell ourselves?  We say, I am a <insert job here>,  <insert parental status>, <insert mental disorder>, <insert chemical dependency> , <insert past experiences we remember to form who we see in the mirror today>.  What happens when a person has such a clear memory of emotional pain, suffering, regret, sorrow, sadness, and fear, that they have to shut out those memories for fear being overwhelmed?  Does that person ever get to be whole?

I have been watching several thought provoking series lately.  Ones that remind me of the archaic state of mental health “treatments”.  How they used to be barbaric and cruel.  By people who actually believed that you could terrify someone into sanity.  Today, they just fill you with synthetic garbage to block out more than needed.  So many brilliant minds, sleeping through life.  We have been forced to tolerate so much.  That, in and of itself is near maddening.

It feels as though humanity is standing at the precipice.  Allowing so much that should not occur, to keep proliferating itself.  If you want to erase racism, stop making race an issue.  Don’t mention it in stories.  Stop teaching people to keep seeing it where it does not exist.  Why do you think cigarette companies like anti smoking commercials?  Because they continuously talk about smoking.  Reminding people to pay attention to cigarettes.  In similar fashion to the World Wrestling Entertainment company, ANY publicity is good for business.  That means, the more we tolerate racism, the more we spread it.  This goes the same for any differences between people.  There will always be differences, but if you don’t continuously accentuate them, then their meaning is diminished.