I’ve reach a point in life where my current status quo is intolerable, but pushing forward is going to be a monumental challenge I’m not sure I’m strong enough for. I can feel the internal struggle. Part of me wants to be complacent. I desire for a return to the normal way of life I understood, but every time I consider settling back down, I go through minor panic attacks. The stress levels I have created for myself, I call my internal Kobayashi Maru. For those non Star Trek fans, I feel like I have created an unwinnable scenario. If I stay where I am, I feel like I will suffer an internal collapse that I could not recover from. The alternative I have set up is to move myself 1200 miles away and re start a college life, while maintaining a full time job, without the direct support of the family that I have devoted my life to supporting. I understand that it’s all perspective based, but my damaged psyche has trouble filtering the real emotion from the stress induced anxiety bursts. I can see and understand that both options exists at the same moment. They are both true and false at the same time. Time will tell.