Christmas in July

I am watching a TV series on Hulu called The Librarians.  It’s a really enjoyable series.  This episode is about Christmas.  It’s meaning is to remind us that the Christmas holiday is about reminding people of the hope and good will that the season brings.  We should have holidays like that more than once a year!  I enjoy that time of year, because most everyone takes some time to spread that joy around.

I’ve really been pondering a lot about these kinds of ideals lately.  Things come in to perspective every once in a while for me.  A few years ago I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed Citalopram.  The drug worked great at first, I felt better about life and things were easier to cope with.  After a rather short time I had to have the dosage increased due to a built up tolerance.  I have not even considered taking my own life.  It never crossed  my mind, until after using the Citalopram.  I understood the danger I was in, so I consulted my doctor and was changed to Duloxetine.  This drug chemically neutered me, I started to gain weight as well as having lost nearly all interest in my previous hobbies.  In the week following my last birthday, I had an internal meltdown that resulted igniting my mid life crisis to an extreme degree.  Instead of making a few subtle changes I decided to completely overhaul my entire life.  In all of this time, the realization of my obsessive compulsive disorder flaring out of control compacted all of my troubles.  I put us in a debt that will take me some time to earn out of.

Through all of this I have caused grief to some, of which I am very sorry.  Also I have come to realize that I might just be lucky, in a sense.  Since I had never contemplated suicide a time in my life, when it did come to mind I was able to understand it was not real.  I panic when I think about that.  What about those who might think it’s real.

A result, all of these past events have lead me to lean on my faith in God and to study further into Logos, The Word of God.  I doubt my faith on a nearly daily basis, but was reminded by a fellow blogger today that sometimes you need to let go and leave things in God’s hands for a time.  https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/67117789/posts/1519672968  is the article, it’s worth a read.

I have started reading the Corpus Hermeticus and The Hermetica, which are believed to be written by Hermes and translated later in the wonderous city of Alexandria.  It’s beginning is what seems to be the very first conversation between man and Man-Shepard, or what we understand as God.  It’s a reminder that even back then, most of the worlds civilized people could come together from all races and religions available to the area to unite in ideas and theories to further the entire species.  So I have hope that one day we’ll know that kind of peace again.  Peace to you and yours.

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