more about music

I like how music can act like a time machine.  You can close your eyes when “Linger” by the Cranberries comes on and suddenly you remember that time you heard that song and it stuck.  Or you can listen closely to a rappers story and picture the times in your own life when you are reminded of the struggle.

Since my breakdown I have dove into music as a way to piece my different phases of life together to help guide me to who I really am.  What I really like, versus the temporary obsessions caused by the OCD.  If you are lost, I might recommend trying it.  I have had to make amends within myself for all of the choices both good and bad.  I have reconciled my light side with my dark side.

My story up to now is unreal to me.  I have been to the depths of my inner self and seen the mess.  But as my new favorite MC says in his song Sloppy Seconds “Nothing gory means no glory”.  I interpret that to mean our scars define us and make us more interesting rather than the ugliness we see them as.  Those of us that have been abused in some way have a level of gore in our lives that others understand only through empathy.  It leaves us feeling like the odd man out.  I was revolted by my inner scars.

It took me a very long time to forgive myself for all the scars I gave myself.  I mean that only figuratively.   Being in a deep and long lasting depression gets scary when you believe that state of being to be normal.  I’m far from out of the woods, but I feel miles farther that I was.

Thanks for listening.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.


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