One of the tougher parts of OCD to deal with is the obsessions. They are unshakable desires to do something. Whether it’s an addiction, such as cigarettes, or something so simple as a card game, Magic the Gathering, the obsession can be so overwhelming that it seemingly controls your actions. That’s where the compulsive part of the disorder ruins everything. Where normally a person can control an obsession, Obsessive Compulsive disorder can control themselves, when the compulsion kicks in it is no longer probable to resist the obsession. You don’t feel complete or whole until it is fulfilled. For me it’s basic vices, things that send life into disorder, but not unrecoverable. I fear for some, the compulsions are too dark, such as displayed in the Showtime series Dexter. How fine is the line between a simple drive to clean the same spot the same way forever and the dark abyss of horrific obsession? I sure hope there is a cure in the works.
For myself, it’s a very real and very terrifying reality. I fear that a simple rabbit hole might turn into a nightmare reality.
Trying to figure out the triggers has been very difficult. Stress, positive or negative, seems to be the most prevalent. This, I believe is why anti depressants had a negative effect. The “high” of the dopamine fades, but the obsession with the consistent good moods did not, causing a downward spiral that was near fatal.