Invisible Lines

Something different today.

Seems like our lives are encased in invisible lines,

Spaces and boundaries and moments in time,

That’s legal here, but over there it’s not,

I like you near, so near it gets hot,

But don’t talk about this, don’t speak about that,

Don’t tell people that you think they are flat,

Do what we say, follow the rules, stay in the lines,

Wrap yourself in these incorporeal vines,

Myspace, your space, their space, their place,

my place, don’t face, don’t pace, keep pace,

Follow along, hear the song, wait for the gong,

Take a breath and breathe, let rest your mind,

Your mind matters, it just takes time,

Drop the pills pour out the sauce,

Never forget you’re your boss,

The lines only exists if we let them,

Like who you like, even if it’s not men,

Colored lines are the worst, they drive me insane,

As though they were cursed for being in the wrong lane,

We the People need to realize we’re all the same,

People’s lives are not a frakkin’ game,

Stop playing with our health, it’s so lame,

Mental or physical, please treat us right,

No more medication to sleep through a night,

Let our hearts and minds run free once more,

Stop treating us all like that feasting boar,

Gorging yourself on our time causing gore,

The cost is too high, the time is neigh, don’t be shy,

Make yourself fly, sing to the sky, take back your pie,

Not just one slice, not one single piece,

Take the whole thing, it is within reach,

Look for what’s missing to see what’s to gain,

Freedom of speech has had time to explain,

No authority granted permits you spread pain,

So please feel free to drop your cane,

Do not hurt us, it’s inhumane,

Keep your fake cures, your thoughts are inane,

Breaking our minds so you can maintain,

A lifestyle that exceeds even Dr. Dre,

You drain our lives so you can play,

Broke our soul, can’t smoke a bowl,

It took it’s toll, you’re on a roll,

All that you stole, accept your own role,

Let’s take a stroll, dance around the pole,

No I won’t answer another poll,

Our choice was bad or evil,

Which did we choose,

I think it’s a weasel,

Can’t tell yet, that’s clear,

I bet it started at hold my beer,

Watch their reaction, I bet they all cheer,

Cheered and Jeered,

Steered and Smeared,

Red, White and Blue,

Who actually asked you,

Maybe it’s time to shoo,

Hop on that choo-choo

Get the heck back to your nice house,

Stop telling dudes they can’t wear a blouse,

Get us back to reality,

Turn back on the gravity,

Lets feel all the levity,

Realize the brevity,

For real this time, we don’t have an eternity,

Hear the pop now,

Don’t stop now,

Shop now,

Not for stuff and things that are disposable,

Live a life quotable,

Not with the status quo,

It’s not uncontrollable,

You’re the star of the show,

Don’t take a bow until you know,

Make the sun shine, let yourself grow,

It’s never too late to see your own glow,

Thanks for your time, it’s precious I know,

When you struggle at times, remember the flow,

If life gives you lemons, trade them to someone who got limes.

If you don’t like limes, then just keep looking, there’s still time,

Open yourself to a new world sublime,

Where healing is free and almost no crime,

When true hope comes we can relax,

less hax, less tax, less wax, more lax,

some slack, don’t stack, halt the attack,

plant the seed, god speed, please heed,

We need good deed, maybe weed,

don’t impede, no misdeed, are we freed,

Peace for now, I like to say,

Have yourselves one great day.















Helping Ourselves

I think there are a few misconceptions about depression that I would like to talk about tonight.  For some people it’s not a mood or phase.  It’s a life time.  There are great days and terrible days.

Some may think that losing interest in old hobbies or favorite past times is just you growing up.  To those that suffer severe depression it can feel like a loss of self.  Like a piece of you is missing now that you no longer like a certain music genre or book series.  I suffered through this for at least 4 years.  I thought I simply didn’t like or could not look forward to anything anymore.  The main catalyst was the anti anxiety meds I was on.  I have been able to reignite some interests lately, thankfully.  Music, philosophy, psychology, alchemy, and baseball have been topics of great excitement.

A fellow blogger talks about her experiences dealing with deep depression.  Along with several other bloggers I follow and that follow me.  Their internal struggles mirror my own.  Lost of interests is a common theme.  As is the feeling that people don’t understand us.  The depression we are going through is not a simple mood swing.  It’s a life altering disorder that, as I have talked about before, has no true cure yet.  We try clinical psychology(most effective), medication(ineffective), and a slew of different types of healing such as sound therapy, yoga(there are MANY different types now), and more obscure methods.

A terrible sense just washed over me.  People have been cashing in on depression for ages.  Religions, cults, pharmaceutical companies, and some less scrupulous psychologists.

From my own life I can suggest other ideas to help yourself.  The first suggestion will be starting a blog.  Write all of you feelings and ideas down so you can re read them as you struggle.  Vent it all.  Let  your thoughts flow into your hands.  2nd, discover new types of music.  Differing the sounds you expose yourself to will help you slowly shift your perspective.  In eastern philosophy, a person can meditate humming a specific tone.  This helps to focus your inner self.  Listening to music is our western way of accomplishing similar effects.

For me, I went so far as to get a pair of Beat by Dre headphones to experience the music in more detail.  Neither of those ideas costs you a thing.  There are also very few negative side effect.  Side effects include digging up old memories that make you sad, angry, etc.  I’m not claiming this will cure you at all, it might just help you a little.  Without costing you a thing.

Changing your diet may also have positive effects.  Not simply eating healthier, but trying foods outside your normal comfort zones.  Try some more robust flavors beyond the over simplified Salt/Sugar/Fat ratio.  Greek food has a unique bouquet of flavors.  Indian cuisine has been know for it’s high spices levels.  Italian can offer some fantastic varieties as well.

Lastly I would encourage a different type of physical activity.  Try DDP Yoga(personal favorite).  If you are already do Yoga, try walking as well.  Diamond Dallas Page, an ex professional wrestler, developed a yoga program that provides a wider range of activity.  He designed the program to provide physical rehabilitation, strength and endurance training, and body centering yoga.  He’s also a magnificent coach in his videos.  Full of energy and encouragement so you can progress at your own pace.

I’ve listed ways of allowing yourself to change externally, to prepare yourself for the internal alterations that you desire.  It’s stated over and over again, accepting yourself is important.  I am starting to believe that it’s not the first step, it’s one of the last.  It’s a way of looking at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  Accepting yourself, as we are told so often becomes the goal.  The self actualization.  You might be damaged, but so are we all.  YOU are not damaged beyond repair.  You DO have value.  HAVE faith in yourself.  A CHANCE is all your need to give yourself.

Think about it this way, as I have read before, your mind is a living organism just like the rest of you.  You can rehabilitate it, it’s an unseen physical injury, you just have to figure out your fixes.

Now I just have to get this message out to the rest of us.  Until Next time, peace to you and yours.

Full circle

Had you asked me last March if I would be where I was today, I would have spit venom and said not one chance.  I wanted my life completely changed in every way.  I knew deep down I was living wrong, I just didn’t understand how wrong.  Through a lot of musical meditation, alternative medicine, and introspection I have come to a point of peace in my life.  I feel as though I have reconciled the darkness and the light.  I feel comfortable in my own skin again.  I’m not saying I’m out of the woods yet, just that I can see the forest through the trees now.  I will keep sharing my life story, because I enjoy this type of therapy.  Thanks to each and every like and supportive word from each of you.  Even those that can’t ever reply.  I love you all.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

Note to us

Just a reminder to all of us out here with OCD, Depression, and other disorders of the mind.  You are not alone.  “We are legion for we are many”-Legion from the movie Ghost Rider.  You are not a monster for the thoughts that plague you.  Seeds planted don’t HAVE to be cultivated.  Meaning those dark and ugly thoughts never have to manifest.  Once you realize the things we beat ourselves up for are controllable, to a point, we can start working on finding out how to get rid of it!  Our group needs a cool name…like the Disorderlies.  Just kidding.  We know who we are.  Have a great day.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

More about the struggle

If you do not take responsibility for consciously becoming aware of your shadow traits, you will find them projected onto others (of the same sex) in your environment. You may feel an irrational instinctive hatred for virtual strangers-The Modern Alchemist: A Guide to Personal Transformation
©1994 by Richard and Iona Miller

This is a great bit taken from the material I’ve been reading.  I understand this as, once you realize you are dealing with your own depression and the shadow side of yourself.  Your real and true dark side.  The dark thoughts that haunt you. The unethical and immoral actions you have taken that disturb you at your core.  We then project that on to others, that we may externalize our fears and regrets.  What I am studying now is how to reconcile my dark and light sides.  Finding the balance.  Depolarizing myself.  Working to break the paradigms I have created throughout life.  I called it decompartmentalizing  each chapter of life based on age, location, job, and current music habits.  I spoke some time ago about linking music to memories.  I did this to guard myself. So I could just stop listening to types of music in order to forget.

I believe that we could, as a whole species, embrace the thought process in order to move past the current state of discontent we feel towards one another.  Look within ourselves to see why we have issues with things like race, sex, gender, religion, or income status.  Like I have said before, if a person’s individual actions don’t directly effect you or those you protect, then it should not concern you.   The pigment in skin does nothing to you.  Their chromosome pattern does not affect you.  The side of their internal polarity towards masculine or feminine does not cause you ill.  And so and so forth.

As I work towards the healing of myself, I enjoy sharing.  Secretly I hope that someone reading this is positively motivated by it.  Like so many of my fellow blogger’s work has come to me when I needed it.  Thanks for reading today.  Peace to you and yours.

Timing is everything

I just got done reading a fellow Blogger’s article

Sharing this because it really hits home and I think others could use the great idea.  When you are dealing with a disorder, physical or mental, there are often feelings of shame and regret buried deeply within us.

I feel like all the years I spent closing myself off from nearly everyone due to depression and then the anti-anxiety/anti-depressants I was on triggering my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder caused an internal shut down.  I no longer wanted to hang out with anyone.  Only my closest friend, Jeff, and my family got any social interactions.  I still regret all of the missed time, but like BeautyBeyondBones expresses, it’s ok for me to take time to feel those lost feelings.

I really enjoy the synchronicity that occurs around the blog universe.  As if each person is somehow connected beyond the typed words.

This 4th of July is a going to go a little differently for our family.  My teenage son will be spending it with his girlfriend.  The rest of us will be with my folks, lighting some fireworks off, as per the norm.  I don’t speak of my family much here, but they are the core of my life.  Enjoy your holiday if you choose to celebrate it!  For those of you elsewhere in the world, take a moment out of your day to give us a wave and we’ll do the same.  Peace to you and yours.

When you blog

When you blog, do you think in terms of public speaking?  Picture yourself talking directly to your audience?  I do.  Sitting with people just chatting, perhaps sitting with an only friend sharing details and ideas I would normally keep to myself.  Sometimes I picture an audience, when I talk about cooking.  At times I have no specific image, just a sensation of a person.  But it’s almost always to someone.  Like a conversation, one sided, but happening none the less.

Some of the writing I read on WordPress are directly from the heart and soul.  I like those the most.  I enjoy Instragram and Snapchat, it’s nice to see people and their interests.  They say a picture is worth 1000 words.  So many  blogs I read are worth  millions.  It’s a safe(ish) place to share what we normally might not.

So lately I have been trying to “live in the moment”.  Neither obsessing over the past nor the future.  It’s far more challenging to me than I thought it would be, but it’s working.  I don’t get quite as spun up.