Scary

Why is it so scary to feel good,

What is it I misunderstood,

Wave of happy we never want to stop,

Gotta remember can’t live at the top,

The low and highs are all part and partial,

Feeling happy, we just can’t marshall,

Our internal light was growing neigh,

If we can’t be happy, we just want to die,

But it’s all in the balance, I hope you can see,

Relish the light of creativity,

Enduring the lows became the normal,

Feeling the highs is feeling formal,

Denying ourselves the basic desires,

Not letting it out, just stoking the fires,

Living in rage,

No more on stage,

Life in a cage,

Seeking a sage,

Seething in rage,

Not turning the page

Found only a maze,

Looking inwards a haze,

Past memories a blaze,

My mind in a craze,

But pardon my phrase,

I speak out of phase,

Overwhelming malaise,

Felt lost in that maze,

My minotaur would enrage,

Past memories were now pyres,

Creativity re-inspires,

Life changed from uniformal,

To nearly paranormal,

Nor more passivity,

More clearly now I can see,

There is so much more behind my eye,

I can now permit myself to cry,

No longer now shall I stall,

This life to give must get it all,

I must discard my prop,

One more habit I must drop,

It is no longer misunderstood,

We are allowed to feel good.

 

 

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Say When

When will I be free of the chains that shackle me,

Invisible lines that keep holding me,

Back from the world I want to see,

When is it ok to be,

All the things I love in me,

When can I shake off the shroud of internal anonymity,

See myself able to be free,

The fragments of sanity in a sea of failed sobriety,

Is my world really that dreary,

Once I hear the word maybe,

Stuck in binds I can clearly see,

I put them there, you see,

These bonds I wear are part of me,

The wounds that cut so deeply,

Make me cry internally,

My battles scars are here eternally,

I have to learn it’s ok to be,

Damaged, not permanently,

Just marks with personality,

The game started prematurely,

I wasn’t ready, I tell myself sadly,

The person I was fades into obscurity,

Now it’s time, tomorrow might never be,

Can I, I ask, I guess time will see.

 

 

 

 

American Lie

DSCF0313This is gonna be a weird one, a simple parody using Don McLean’s American Pie song as the skeletal framework.

A long long time ago, I can still remember how the music used to make you cry

and you knew if you had once chance, you would stop the people’s dance, and make them believe they where happy for a while

The rap music made you shiver, with every curse word they delivered

Bad news on your door step; we cannot take one more step.

I can remember all the times I cried, when  I read about those blatant lies

But something touched me deep inside, the day the music cried

so bye bye, this American Lie, drive your Chevy round the country ’til the your gas tank runs dry,

Them good ole boys who said you should stay inside, singing that will be the day when you die.

That will be the day that you die.

You click on Facebook things you love, it could be a face upon a glove,

If the media tells you so.

Don’t listen to those frikken trolls, this product saves your immoral soul,

and we sell pills to “make you grow”,

Cause I know that you’re in love with thin, and don’t want to be in a gym

Just kick off your shoes, and take these pills of blue,

You’re a lonely teen feeling out of touch, just take these pills they’re a pick-me-up,

But then we all ran out of luck, the day we allowed them to lie.

Now for some singing,

Bye Bye this America Lie, drive your Chevy ’round the country till the gas tank runs dry,

Them good ole boys are banking that you will die, and singing “this will be the day no one cried”

This will be the day no one cried.

Now for some years we’ve been on our own,

the cats grew fat on your kidney stone,

But that’s not how it’s ‘Sposed to be,

When the jester became the king of mean,

raised the price of his product really obscene,

and a voice that came from Dre and ‘Sky

While The People were feeling down,

they gave us pills to steal that frown,

Our minds started to burn,

Our faith’s been overturned,

and while we learn about the Starks,

the music’s tryin to start a spark

and they spout rhymes to make us arc,

They rap so we can cry.

Even more singing,

bye bye, this American Lie, drive your Chevy ’round the country ’til the gas tank runs dry,

Them good ole’ boys know now that we will not die,

singing “This Won’t be the day that we die”

This won’t be the day that we die.

They made us zombies like horror shamblers,

no cure in sight only brain scramblers,

Eight Mile was a good movie, a blast!

They’ve killed criminals with gas,

even unborn babies don’t get a pass,

feels like we’re next and I think it’s ass.

I think for some it’s now high noon,

Our voices will been heard soon.

This will be our stance,

Oh, this time, there’s a chance,

They will try and make us yield,

But it’s our time on this field,

The world will know what’s been reveal,

The day, we stop these lies.

Yet again sining,

Bye bye, this American Lie, drive your Chevy ’round the country ’till the gas tank runs dry.

Them good ole boys will be the ones who will cry,

singing “This will be the day no one died”

This will be the day no one died.

Oh, and there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space with no time left to start again (this line transcends itself from song to song)

So come on: lets get nimble, must help the sick!

You gave us drugs that broke us, dick

Soon you will be out of friends.

Oh, and as you watch Trump on the stage, your hands all clenched in fists of rage

He was not born in hell, wake up from the spell,

Now that you can see it is time to fight to stop sacrificing our health for pyrite,

We’ll all be laughing with delight,

The day they were allowed to cry.

Jeez more singing,

Bye Bye, this American Lie, the price is to heavy and we don’t want to die.

You good ole boys take a bow swallow your pride.

singing “this will be the day Pharma died”

This will be the day Pharma died.

We ALL have so many blues

we’re ready for some happy news

this time no one turns away.

Now listen to your favorite score,

hear their songs like never before,

No one should tell you what you can play,

Start taking walks, let your smile beam

Watch lovers smile, and share your dream

Where they are spoken,

or rapped or sung while tokin’

You’ll find who you admire most,

Maybe father, son, or the holy ghost,

This is your shot, not a hoax,

The day, you let lies die.

one last time singing,

Bye Bye, this American Lie, no more bullshit claims, even when we drive by.

So good ole boys now it’s time to let fly,

The poisons that made us all blind

The poisons that made us all blind.

Bye Bye, this American Lie, we have suffered long enough and now it’s time so say Bye.

them good ole boys cashing in now should fry,

but we’re not them, it’s time to rest.  bye

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Invisible Lines

Something different today.

Seems like our lives are encased in invisible lines,

Spaces and boundaries and moments in time,

That’s legal here, but over there it’s not,

I like you near, so near it gets hot,

But don’t talk about this, don’t speak about that,

Don’t tell people that you think they are flat,

Do what we say, follow the rules, stay in the lines,

Wrap yourself in these incorporeal vines,

Myspace, your space, their space, their place,

my place, don’t face, don’t pace, keep pace,

Follow along, hear the song, wait for the gong,

Take a breath and breathe, let rest your mind,

Your mind matters, it just takes time,

Drop the pills pour out the sauce,

Never forget you’re your boss,

The lines only exists if we let them,

Like who you like, even if it’s not men,

Colored lines are the worst, they drive me insane,

As though they were cursed for being in the wrong lane,

We the People need to realize we’re all the same,

People’s lives are not a frakkin’ game,

Stop playing with our health, it’s so lame,

Mental or physical, please treat us right,

No more medication to sleep through a night,

Let our hearts and minds run free once more,

Stop treating us all like that feasting boar,

Gorging yourself on our time causing gore,

The cost is too high, the time is neigh, don’t be shy,

Make yourself fly, sing to the sky, take back your pie,

Not just one slice, not one single piece,

Take the whole thing, it is within reach,

Look for what’s missing to see what’s to gain,

Freedom of speech has had time to explain,

No authority granted permits you spread pain,

So please feel free to drop your cane,

Do not hurt us, it’s inhumane,

Keep your fake cures, your thoughts are inane,

Breaking our minds so you can maintain,

A lifestyle that exceeds even Dr. Dre,

You drain our lives so you can play,

Broke our soul, can’t smoke a bowl,

It took it’s toll, you’re on a roll,

All that you stole, accept your own role,

Let’s take a stroll, dance around the pole,

No I won’t answer another poll,

Our choice was bad or evil,

Which did we choose,

I think it’s a weasel,

Can’t tell yet, that’s clear,

I bet it started at hold my beer,

Watch their reaction, I bet they all cheer,

Cheered and Jeered,

Steered and Smeared,

Red, White and Blue,

Who actually asked you,

Maybe it’s time to shoo,

Hop on that choo-choo

Get the heck back to your nice house,

Stop telling dudes they can’t wear a blouse,

Get us back to reality,

Turn back on the gravity,

Lets feel all the levity,

Realize the brevity,

For real this time, we don’t have an eternity,

Hear the pop now,

Don’t stop now,

Shop now,

Not for stuff and things that are disposable,

Live a life quotable,

Not with the status quo,

It’s not uncontrollable,

You’re the star of the show,

Don’t take a bow until you know,

Make the sun shine, let yourself grow,

It’s never too late to see your own glow,

Thanks for your time, it’s precious I know,

When you struggle at times, remember the flow,

If life gives you lemons, trade them to someone who got limes.

If you don’t like limes, then just keep looking, there’s still time,

Open yourself to a new world sublime,

Where healing is free and almost no crime,

When true hope comes we can relax,

less hax, less tax, less wax, more lax,

some slack, don’t stack, halt the attack,

plant the seed, god speed, please heed,

We need good deed, maybe weed,

don’t impede, no misdeed, are we freed,

Peace for now, I like to say,

Have yourselves one great day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

freedom and what it means to me

I think we need to stop attacking our own people. Service members should not be discriminated against. Regardless of race, religion, sex, or gender. Our military should stand for the rights our soldiers die to uphold. Anything less would be treason to our constitution.  How can our government turn it’s back on it’s own people.  It was announced that President Trump has banned transgender people from serving in the military.  If this is real news, this is about as un-American as it gets.  Our entire system has been fighting for the freedoms of citizens.  Our equal opportunity employment views have been widely accepted.  Why now would we take a stand against another group?  Freedom should mean more to each of us than just speaking our minds.  Even if you don’t support their lifestyle, supporting their rights as Americans is critical.  If only I were a louder voice.  Maybe I could rise above the din of discontent.  Equality can have no barrier or limits.  The devil is in the details, as they say.  Once you start peeling away things a single group finds offensive, you strip away that which makes equality thrive.

Vans Wapred Tour 2017

Not so long a go I had lost the desire to do anything I used to enjoy.  I could not have dreamed of going to something as amazing as the Warped Tour my wife and I attended today.  I had not thought of going to such a thing before.  It was such an amazing group of bands that played.  The noise was always loud, not something I’m used to.  More than just the bands, there were activist groups of all manner doling out free information and great organizations whose message is pure and well meaning.  It was a magnificent cultural merger for the music.  The music ranged from the heaviest of metal music all the way to rap artists.  We were among the oldest there, but no one gave mind to it all.  It felt great.

By far my favorite performer is George Watsky.  His songs are some of the best I have heard in the current generation of artists.  The other fans of his were passionate in their fandom.  I recommend his song “Sloppy Seconds” if you are of the mind to hear his music. We were able to meet and greet him twice.  He’s just as down to earth and appreciative of his fans as you might hope for the best of people.

Before I started really looking into working through my depression I could not have done any of the activities I have enjoyed this year.  3 Major League baseball games and 1 massive music festival.    Between the depression and OCD I had collapsed my world into only 2 subject work and home.  Mentally trapping myself in a situation that could be sustained with minimal effort.  I may look into becoming a psychiatrist to help heal people.

My ears are still ringing, but it was worth it.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

a good day

Today is a good day.  I have been through so much lately, but this morning when I woke up things were just a shade different.

I would like to talk about faith, but before we get started lets clarify that I mean faith in the broadest sense of the word and in no way mean any specific faith based anything.  One of the amazing things that faith does for a person is to open themselves up for more introspection.  We take a closer look at ourselves, our words, and our deeds.  It’s not a crutch for the weak minded, nor is it a tool for controlling the masses.  It’s a means for every person to look inside themselves and evaluate what they like and don’t like about themselves.  It inspires us to reconcile with ourselves, thus allowing better relationships with other people.

I would also like to banish the notion that faith and science are to be separate.  A logical mind can still believe in things/powers/energies that are greater than ourselves.  It also allows some of us to understand that we are not always in control of our surroundings.  We can however, control how we respond to them.  To me, faith can be something so simple as just letting yourself stop worrying about doing everything all at once.  Allowing yourself to rest your mind in the fact that everything will work out the way it is meant to.

For me I believe in God, as well as the natural law that exists through all things.  I believe he communicates to us in ways that we can comprehend.  She allows us greater insight into our own emotions and give us the ability to empathize with others more easily.  They set standards of actions, so that we can use our free will for the better of everyone, not just own selfish desires.

I believe we are all connected at the core.  The only reason, in my opinion, that we don’t have a utopian society is that we don’t want one yet.  We have discovered that through adversity and strife that the best and worst traits of mankind can be explored at great length.  We as a species have yet to reach the pinnacle of our potential.

Faith shows us a way to look inside ourselves in a manner above and beyond the basics of introspection.  Science gives us ways to take that understanding of a greater world and push it’s limits farther.  We have made great strides as a people, but we have a long way to go.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

Jarred Brown-Full Father Alchemist

I love music

In my opinion music is the truest language of this world.  It’s also one of the 4 objective liberal arts.  So it’s just as intrinsic as it’s fellows; numbers, geometry, and cosmology.  It is a constant that is part of everything.  I especially like songs that seem to sing right to us.  Performers such as Katy Perry, Eminem, George Watsky, and Lukas Graham sing right to each listener.  Their life anthems are inspiring and uplifting.  They can bring about deep thoughts and positive emotions.  Was listening to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHCob76kigA when I was inspired to write a little more.

I have also come to the conclusion that I write to ‘make thoughts real’.  For me that means if I just keep  them to myself, they get lost in the maelstrom that is my mind.  I seek out their validation in the form of likes and views.

Whether you are tethered to a reality of normalcy or you let yourself dream beyond the bonds of this mortal coil, music can help stir up images and thoughts to uplift and encourage all of us.  It would be cool to hear your favorite artist, I like expanding my horizons.  Comment them, so that myself and others might find something new to listen to.

Free will

Had an interesting conversation at work today about free will.  A few authors have touched on this point, so I find our discussion validated.  I see that we don’t really use our free will at all.  If we did, would we continue to sell our time for stuff.  Would we continue to repeat tasks over and over again just so others can eat with plastic silverware?  I find it hard to believe that higher functioning beings like us choose to willingly do harm to others simply on the orders of strangers.  Perhaps something happened back in the early 1900’s.  Maybe some groups of people figured out that the only way to control a population was through constant conflict.  For the record, those events are on record as being true.  So maybe it’s not so far fetched as to think that our perception of freedom and free will are being manipulated.  If you could do anything in the world, would you choose to work with people you would normally never accept in the “real world”?  I wouldn’t.  If I really had a choice, I would not sell my time and my families time for a wooden box that keeps out the rain filled with items of distractions.  I might do so much more…like just live and enjoy what the world and it’s people had to offer one another.

Peace to you and yours.  Wish everyone you see a great day.

Painful realizations

I’ve reach a point in life where my current status quo is intolerable, but pushing forward is going to be a monumental challenge I’m not sure I’m strong enough for.  I can feel the internal struggle.  Part of me wants to be complacent.  I desire for a return to the normal way of life I understood, but every time I consider settling back down, I go through minor panic attacks.  The stress levels I have created for myself, I call my internal Kobayashi Maru.  For those non Star Trek fans, I feel like I have created an unwinnable scenario.  If I stay where I am, I feel like I will suffer an internal collapse that I could not recover from.  The alternative I have set up is to move myself 1200 miles away and re start a college life, while maintaining a full time job, without the direct support of the family that I have devoted my life to supporting.  I understand that it’s all perspective based, but my damaged psyche has trouble filtering the real emotion from the stress induced anxiety bursts.  I can see and understand that both options exists at the same moment.  They are both true and false at the same time.  Time will tell.