My obsession with Rap music

To me it seems odd that a man my age would still be so interested in rap music.  It seems to me it’s a young mans music.  I would be wrong though.  My love of the Hip Hop genre of music started all the way back in 1984 and the movie Breakin’.  It has amazing music, crazy fun dance moves, and a very young Ice-T.  The music itself is just infective and has a special kind of flow to it.  I later enjoyed the heaviest of the Rap genre that started one of the rudest awakenings I have ever know.

They brought to light the gang violence and police brutality that had afflicted the west coast, the spotlight being on Compton, CA.  The music shocked and awed us Midwesterners into a bit of a frenzy.  Crazy urban legends began to pop up from this panic.  All because a few young men decided enough was enough.  They spun into music the grittiest of stories with the goriest of language.  Later in 1991 many of the greatest names in the popular rap game came together to make the song, “Same Gang” calling themselves the West Coast All Stars.  Which was a fantastic song with a great political statement.  They decried the violent gang lifestyle and aimed to change the culture altogether.

A massive change in perspective was given to our country by a bunch of songs.  Stories about an unfairness of the system.  Forcing peoples eyes open to the great divide that was ruining our brothers and sisters.  The rap music of today is only slightly different in that people from all walks of life are stepping in to the rap arena to show of their verbal skills and pass their own messages of hope to different groups.  Life itself is vulgar, don’t let the lyrics turn you away from the meaning.

Thanks for listening.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

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What if?

I believe that today, in 2017, we should be able to all see reason.  We should be able to come together as a race and start thinking like it.  What if we, as one race, could once again get together, as they did in the times of the Library of Alexandria, and re examine each religion and it’s branches to find out what unites them, rather than focus on what separates us.  Those with true faith, no matter their back ground, could come to a greater understanding of the love thy neighbor idea.  Not just the one down the street.  I mean the ones oceans away from us.  Like I have said recently, we really are not all that different.  We are all humans with thoughts and emotions.  These emotions are the same for every person.  Happy is happy, sad is sad, and so on.  The only difference is the ones we create within our own paradigm.  Remember when we were children?  The only way we had an issue with another human is if they did something directly to us.  Otherwise every face was someone new and exciting to meet.  Somewhere along the way we lost that awe and wonderment.  Taught early on that we are all different.  Special little snowflakes.  No two are alike.  Polarized.

I am no one of consequence.  I don’t have a degree yet.  I am a simple cook in the middle of the USA.  If I can come to this understanding, it’s not hard for me to believe that a greater majority could too.  Stop looking at what makes us separated.  We can all be different without being at odds.

How do we get to this point?  I don’t have those answers.  I wish I did.  We have to take back our world.  Have a great day.  Peace to you and yours.

a walk by the lake

Today I spent time with a good friend.  I have not seen him in quite some time, but we are able to talk as though it was the same conversation from years ago.  The interaction swung back and forth as we shared previous memories and recent events until it finally opened up into a great philosophical discussion about everything from esoteric to exoteric subject matter.  It was a fantastic mental release.  I will share more about it later, when I can give a better view rather than just regurgitating the topics.

One of the myriad of topics we covered is our different view points.  I seem to be more of instrumental type, doing a good number of things for the simple purpose of the end result.  He on the other hand has a more autotelic style to his methods, meaning many of the activities he is involved in are for the enjoyment of the act.  This was kind of eye opening for me, in that I may try and find a few more things in life that I do, simply because I enjoy doing them.  That’s not to say I don’t enjoy the things I do, for instance I love watching movies and there are a few video games I like to play for their competitiveness.

I guess what I see is that I love cooking, but since I do it as a job, I no longer get the satisfaction of the act, only that I push for results every day.  I love creating things for people to try while I wait in quiet anxiousness for their approval or critique.

As we walked and spoke about the different topics, I honestly felt like we were a pair of philosophers contemplating the vastness of our existence as well as the meaning of individual actions.  It was a great time that will shall repeat until one of us is called away again.  I miss having open minded friends to talk with.

 

Ideally

The perfect form of government should be democracy, in theory.  2) Democracy: It is “generally defined as a form of government in which all adult citizens have an equal say in the decisions that affect their lives.”   At least as far as we have known in our lives.  To others, it’s Socialism; political and economic theory of social organization that advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole.

We have a far watered down form of democracy than was initially intended and for some unknown reason, socialism scares people.  So where does that leave all of us?  Feeling rather powerless.  We vote, hoping that it means something.  Then someone else comes and makes changes that hurt some while helping others.  Shouldn’t everything that happens in a government of the people, by the people, for the people, actually help all of the people?  It boggles my mind, thinking of how we got here.  Our governments are all doing the best they can with what they have, but we only look to what they do for us.  Too many disillusioned people raging against a machine they built with inaction and complacency.  The generations before us wonder why their system has been changed so much.  Our generation complains about the change.  The next generation is struggling in it’s fight to right the changes that took place that are causing so much damage.

These are just some of the things I ponder about, with too much time on my hands, waiting for the last few pieces to fall into place so I can start schooling.  Hope everyone have a great day.  Peace to you and yours.

an interesting quote

“Destiny rarely calls us at a moment of our choosing.”  After watching Guardians of  the Galaxy 2 for the 2nd time, this time with my father, I thought about that quote, from the 2nd Transformers movie.  It rings true for me.  I feel like the recent chain of events leading to my drastic life change is similar to the quote.  I was content where I was.  I no longer wanted to strive for anything more.  I believed that here in the USA we had real freedom.  I was ok with us struggling to pay our bills from month to month.  Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what I was doing and how we were living.  By some standards it is luxurious.  But something inside was awaken.  I have not pushed myself since my time in the USAF.  I have only lived within my comfort zone for more than 20 years.  To some this is a fine way to be, to me it is not.

I have, deep down, always wanted to make a difference in this world.  I have to find a way to cure depression.  Not just cover it’s symptoms, but heal the ailment as it exists.  Certain levels of depression are crippling, therefor is reasonable to believe that it does act like a persistent disease.  If it acts like it, it’s possible that there is some type of biological element causing it.  So it should be curable.  There are medicines that relieve the symptoms.  There are herbs that lift it, albeit temporarily.  If it can be manipulated by medicine, it should be healable.  The only reason not to cure it, is that it is more cost effective to treat it.  Just like so many things in the USA medical system.

In my opinion, which is rather obscure to most people, the people of the world should not have to pay for certain things, such as food, medicine, knowledge, and shelter.  These should all be communal necessities, the burden shared by every member.  The profits should be on luxuries such as vehicles, fine dining, travel, entertainment, and other extracurricular activities.  People should work because they choose to, as their purpose in life, not because they need to sell their time to pay to eat, so they can work more, to pay to be treated for ailments caused by working too much, and so on and so forth.  We have been taught to be grateful of our servitude.  “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” In this famous speech, it means the exact opposite of what it sounds like.  JFK’s speech is about the USA leading the world to a better place.  To defend freedom from it’s hour of maximum danger.  It feels like our country and lost it’s way.  He wanted the world to unite.  “Ask not what American will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.”  That is where we were meant to be.  “God’s work must truly be our own.”

Dr. Martin Luther King was another visionary such as Franklin Delano Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy.  He saw beyond what was holding us back.  He stood up, as any hero does, and moved us in the right direction.

All of those men were called upon, by destiny, to sacrifice themselves, their normal lives, for the greater good of humanity.  They are not the only ones, by ANY means, they are simply the ones that I know best.  Maybe I have been called.  Will I ever even know?  Or will my legacy tell my story.  Time will tell us HIS plan.

It is the civic duty of every American to entertain these thoughts.  Remember where we came from.  See the injustice around us.  Stand up against the those injustices.  Be the shelter to the tired, the poor, the yearning masses waiting to breathe free.  We should be proud of what our government stands for.  Instead of bowing our heads and looking away from the corruption of the systems.  We have the power to change it.  We should not be a world divided.  Liberty and Justice should be the right all mankind.  It should also be THEIR right to choose it.

I want to think that my ideals are shared by many, but I know I’m wrong.

 

 

Who are we?

Who are we if not the memories that we tell ourselves?  We say, I am a <insert job here>,  <insert parental status>, <insert mental disorder>, <insert chemical dependency> , <insert past experiences we remember to form who we see in the mirror today>.  What happens when a person has such a clear memory of emotional pain, suffering, regret, sorrow, sadness, and fear, that they have to shut out those memories for fear being overwhelmed?  Does that person ever get to be whole?

I have been watching several thought provoking series lately.  Ones that remind me of the archaic state of mental health “treatments”.  How they used to be barbaric and cruel.  By people who actually believed that you could terrify someone into sanity.  Today, they just fill you with synthetic garbage to block out more than needed.  So many brilliant minds, sleeping through life.  We have been forced to tolerate so much.  That, in and of itself is near maddening.

It feels as though humanity is standing at the precipice.  Allowing so much that should not occur, to keep proliferating itself.  If you want to erase racism, stop making race an issue.  Don’t mention it in stories.  Stop teaching people to keep seeing it where it does not exist.  Why do you think cigarette companies like anti smoking commercials?  Because they continuously talk about smoking.  Reminding people to pay attention to cigarettes.  In similar fashion to the World Wrestling Entertainment company, ANY publicity is good for business.  That means, the more we tolerate racism, the more we spread it.  This goes the same for any differences between people.  There will always be differences, but if you don’t continuously accentuate them, then their meaning is diminished.

 

I want to believe

Right off of Fox Mulder’s wall.  But what I want to believe in, is humanity.  I want to believe that we will push towards the utopia that Gene Roddenberry imagined in the Star Trek universe.  That is preached about in many religions.  That world that exists in which there are no adversaries among our own kind.  We stop having such negative thoughts about people that have absolutely no effect on our lives what so ever.  Race, gender, sex, religion, or even age.

I think we are too far from it for me to see it in my lifespan, sadly, but maybe my kids will enjoy it.

This is why I will study philosophy, religion, psychology, and biochemistry.  I want to learn how to understand all the people of the world.  I want to find the similarities that exists in every walk of life.  I choose biochemistry to find the way to finally lift the mass depression that seems to cover so many people.  So that they can learn to dream and believe again too.  It might sound crazy, but I believe anything is possible here on earth.

“Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens.  The sleeper must awaken” – Frank Herbert.

Pressing on

Fighting through depression is much like walking off a broken leg.  You can feel the maelstrom raging inside.  I know WHY I’m so rough, but not how to get rid of it so easy.  So many of us know what it’s like.  To me that’s actually heart breaking.  It’s 2017 and we still have to struggle with depression and other seemingly simple mental ailments.  Seems a touch barbaric that all we are trying to do through pharmaceutical means is to just cover the symptoms.  That mindset is archaic at best.  Your leg is broken, if we just stop the bleeding and the pain, you will be just fine.  Sound about right?

I’ve been having troubles with writing lately.  I want to share less and less.  I can feel myself withdrawing and it unnerves me.  Today was Memorial day and there was a nice presentation at our local park.  My son played in the band as  they played music from all of the USA armed forces.  They read off a list of people from the city I live in, who died in service to our country.  Mind you our town is only about 3000ish people.  The list was 10%+ of that number.  Our town was full of patriots and countrymen who saw our country as something great and worth dying for.  Do many still feel that way today?  Do we believe Donald Trump will lead us into our great future?  Do we trust in our nation at all?  Do we trust those we elect to actually do the right thing?  These are all troubling to me lately.  The age we are in is one that seems to get darker all the time.  We war so much, but now I question if we are the good guys.  Are we saving people from tyranny and oppression?  Or are we lining our pockets with blood money?  Best part is, would we believe ANY answer we are given any more?

Some forces even seem to be trying to rip God out of our country, even though we were founded by some pretty devout people.  Not clergymen, but normal people that just believed in a power greater than they were.

All of this from a simple line cook, soon to be student(again).  Peace to you and yours.

Jarred Brown-

 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; part me

One of my many hurdles is the OCD.  This last round is especially challenging.  Once an obsession passes, the previous point of interest is completely forgotten even to the point of being disinteresting.  I started my blog on one such obsessive moments.  I find it challenging to come back and continue writing.  But, part of my current depression treatment is really helping me observe and take action when I realize the OCD is “in control”.  For those that don’t suffer from or have heard of OCD it’s very difficult for me to describe.  I tell people, I think of the worst possible outcome to every single scenario I have ever thought of.  I tell them about the internal pointless rage.  I tell them about the lack of impulse control.  I explain that Obsessive is just that, but it’s just as easy to forget that obsession.  Unless you live it, it could be hard to grasp.  I lived for 41 years before knowing that I was dealing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  I had to do my own research into the all of the mental symptoms, but the physical repetition was easy to spot.  In 1995 the US Air Force wrote in a side note that I was Obsessive Compulsive.  I was not told what that meant.  I was not treated.  I was discarded without further explanation due to previous infractions brought on by the disorder.  I didn’t even know that what they did was ethically questionable.  I was swept away so quick I was denied by Montgomery GI Bill due to a length of service violation.  I had a disorder that they didn’t know how to handle, so I was booted and forgotten without even knowing what Obsessive Compulsive meant. Let alone that it was a disorder that has no cure.  This realization hurts.  I am going to go back to school this fall in order to help prevent my story from ever being repeated.  That’s been my plan all along, but I forget what I’m doing at times.  The faded obsession in easily forgotten.  Lucky for me I have this Blog, and all of you that stop by, to help remind me.  A life goal is not a passing obsession.  I can push and complete it, without fearing loss of interest.  I worry every day that I will simply fall back to my old habits and forget that I have to find a cure.  Depression first, then Anxiety, and then mental disorders like OCD.  If you know what it’s like, any word I have said, then you are not alone.

Current state of medicine

I just watched a commercial for an anti depressant called Trintellix http://www.rxlist.com/trintellix-side-effects-drug-center.htm                                                     https://us.trintellix.com/about/frequently-asked-questions

These are it’s side effects.  This is a real thing, approved by our United States of America Food and Drug Administration.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I’m paraphrasing but “You might feel better, but you WILL suffer many side effects”  This cannot be real.  That’s like putting a DIRTY bandage on an open wound!

Are they hoping to scare the depression out of us?  Do they even know what the f they are treating?  I think licking a Colorado River Toad would be a less risky alternative.  For heavens safe can we stop with the tom foolery.

/rant off.  This is why I keep pushing, how about you?