American Lie

DSCF0313This is gonna be a weird one, a simple parody using Don McLean’s American Pie song as the skeletal framework.

A long long time ago, I can still remember how the music used to make you cry

and you knew if you had once chance, you would stop the people’s dance, and make them believe they where happy for a while

The rap music made you shiver, with every curse word they delivered

Bad news on your door step; we cannot take one more step.

I can remember all the times I cried, when  I read about those blatant lies

But something touched me deep inside, the day the music cried

so bye bye, this American Lie, drive your Chevy round the country ’til the your gas tank runs dry,

Them good ole boys who said you should stay inside, singing that will be the day when you die.

That will be the day that you die.

You click on Facebook things you love, it could be a face upon a glove,

If the media tells you so.

Don’t listen to those frikken trolls, this product saves your immoral soul,

and we sell pills to “make you grow”,

Cause I know that you’re in love with thin, and don’t want to be in a gym

Just kick off your shoes, and take these pills of blue,

You’re a lonely teen feeling out of touch, just take these pills they’re a pick-me-up,

But then we all ran out of luck, the day we allowed them to lie.

Now for some singing,

Bye Bye this America Lie, drive your Chevy ’round the country till the gas tank runs dry,

Them good ole boys are banking that you will die, and singing “this will be the day no one cried”

This will be the day no one cried.

Now for some years we’ve been on our own,

the cats grew fat on your kidney stone,

But that’s not how it’s ‘Sposed to be,

When the jester became the king of mean,

raised the price of his product really obscene,

and a voice that came from Dre and ‘Sky

While The People were feeling down,

they gave us pills to steal that frown,

Our minds started to burn,

Our faith’s been overturned,

and while we learn about the Starks,

the music’s tryin to start a spark

and they spout rhymes to make us arc,

They rap so we can cry.

Even more singing,

bye bye, this American Lie, drive your Chevy ’round the country ’til the gas tank runs dry,

Them good ole’ boys know now that we will not die,

singing “This Won’t be the day that we die”

This won’t be the day that we die.

They made us zombies like horror shamblers,

no cure in sight only brain scramblers,

Eight Mile was a good movie, a blast!

They’ve killed criminals with gas,

even unborn babies don’t get a pass,

feels like we’re next and I think it’s ass.

I think for some it’s now high noon,

Our voices will been heard soon.

This will be our stance,

Oh, this time, there’s a chance,

They will try and make us yield,

But it’s our time on this field,

The world will know what’s been reveal,

The day, we stop these lies.

Yet again sining,

Bye bye, this American Lie, drive your Chevy ’round the country ’till the gas tank runs dry.

Them good ole boys will be the ones who will cry,

singing “This will be the day no one died”

This will be the day no one died.

Oh, and there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space with no time left to start again (this line transcends itself from song to song)

So come on: lets get nimble, must help the sick!

You gave us drugs that broke us, dick

Soon you will be out of friends.

Oh, and as you watch Trump on the stage, your hands all clenched in fists of rage

He was not born in hell, wake up from the spell,

Now that you can see it is time to fight to stop sacrificing our health for pyrite,

We’ll all be laughing with delight,

The day they were allowed to cry.

Jeez more singing,

Bye Bye, this American Lie, the price is to heavy and we don’t want to die.

You good ole boys take a bow swallow your pride.

singing “this will be the day Pharma died”

This will be the day Pharma died.

We ALL have so many blues

we’re ready for some happy news

this time no one turns away.

Now listen to your favorite score,

hear their songs like never before,

No one should tell you what you can play,

Start taking walks, let your smile beam

Watch lovers smile, and share your dream

Where they are spoken,

or rapped or sung while tokin’

You’ll find who you admire most,

Maybe father, son, or the holy ghost,

This is your shot, not a hoax,

The day, you let lies die.

one last time singing,

Bye Bye, this American Lie, no more bullshit claims, even when we drive by.

So good ole boys now it’s time to let fly,

The poisons that made us all blind

The poisons that made us all blind.

Bye Bye, this American Lie, we have suffered long enough and now it’s time so say Bye.

them good ole boys cashing in now should fry,

but we’re not them, it’s time to rest.  bye






























My Turn

I like commercial television.  I feel like it’s my turn to say “in my generation”.  Commercials reminded us what season it was, gave us new ideas of things to experience like concerts and theatre shows, and of course all the things we needed to buy at the places we loved to go, like Target, J.C. Penny, and Blockbuster.

I feel like, for me, we’re being pulled towards these tiny glowing screens.  The internet is full of brutal truth and blatant lies.  It seems like commercial TV uses a forgotten concept called ethics.  News casters would simply tell you what was happening in your area, around your state, and then around the world.  They did it with dignity and integrity.  They may have dirty stories to tell, but they use implied meaning instead of exposing everyone to gore or horrible reality.  Social media has no such reigns.  Lies and 1/2 truth stories can go viral in days leaving people to believe a falsehood without doing their own research.

On the other hand, it shows us real bruised knuckles and broken people.  Videos without remorse or consent.  Real live you never thought you could see in the Midwest USA.  Depravity and reality mixed.  It has shown so many people that they can live and whoever they want.  The only bounds are self implied.  Everyone can enjoy anything they like, without public ridicule.  They are then free to share that with like minded people around their web.  Free to meet and relate to similar souls.  Setting them free in ways they could never imagine.

My point?  Enjoy some commercial TV and take in a few new experiences.  Don’t believe anything you read on the internet until you fully research the topic.  Just today a close friend posted a fear mongering campaign against a non well researched topic.  It will lead people to believe only a fraction of the truth, mixed with lies and fear.

daily grind

Being back to the grind has really made me challenge my creative side.  When I started my journey just a few months ago my only goal was to leave the current situation I was in.  I wanted to changes jobs, cities, and even be separated from my family for a short time.  What I really think I wanted was a complete internal change.  The only thing holding me back was myself.  I had repainted my life’s mural into only shades of blue and gray.  I had convinced myself that it was my external life that was broken.  The only thing that had been broken was my internal self.  The depression and OCD had become my whole self.  All the while trusting in the Pharmaceutical business to be out for the well being of it’s recipients.  When in fact they are only out for profit.  Anti depressants that make you want to die.  Pain killers that make you addicted to them.  Cures with more horrible side effects than the current malady you have.  It was only nature ways that helped me get to where I am now, which is far from healed, but much farther along the right road.

Some how along the way I become my own worst enemy.  I think there are many people who kind of feel the same way.  Why would there be an entire industry based on curing mental illnesses that only help exacerbate our troubles?  All of our scars are the same depth to one another.  My worst pain is no greater than your worst pain.  They are both of equal in magnitude.  Keep that in mind the next time you feel too low, you are not alone down there, we’re all here for you.  Even without contact the empathy is felt to anyone who feels that down and out.  We don’t know each others names, only each others pains.  The world is listening.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

Invisible Lines

Something different today.

Seems like our lives are encased in invisible lines,

Spaces and boundaries and moments in time,

That’s legal here, but over there it’s not,

I like you near, so near it gets hot,

But don’t talk about this, don’t speak about that,

Don’t tell people that you think they are flat,

Do what we say, follow the rules, stay in the lines,

Wrap yourself in these incorporeal vines,

Myspace, your space, their space, their place,

my place, don’t face, don’t pace, keep pace,

Follow along, hear the song, wait for the gong,

Take a breath and breathe, let rest your mind,

Your mind matters, it just takes time,

Drop the pills pour out the sauce,

Never forget you’re your boss,

The lines only exists if we let them,

Like who you like, even if it’s not men,

Colored lines are the worst, they drive me insane,

As though they were cursed for being in the wrong lane,

We the People need to realize we’re all the same,

People’s lives are not a frakkin’ game,

Stop playing with our health, it’s so lame,

Mental or physical, please treat us right,

No more medication to sleep through a night,

Let our hearts and minds run free once more,

Stop treating us all like that feasting boar,

Gorging yourself on our time causing gore,

The cost is too high, the time is neigh, don’t be shy,

Make yourself fly, sing to the sky, take back your pie,

Not just one slice, not one single piece,

Take the whole thing, it is within reach,

Look for what’s missing to see what’s to gain,

Freedom of speech has had time to explain,

No authority granted permits you spread pain,

So please feel free to drop your cane,

Do not hurt us, it’s inhumane,

Keep your fake cures, your thoughts are inane,

Breaking our minds so you can maintain,

A lifestyle that exceeds even Dr. Dre,

You drain our lives so you can play,

Broke our soul, can’t smoke a bowl,

It took it’s toll, you’re on a roll,

All that you stole, accept your own role,

Let’s take a stroll, dance around the pole,

No I won’t answer another poll,

Our choice was bad or evil,

Which did we choose,

I think it’s a weasel,

Can’t tell yet, that’s clear,

I bet it started at hold my beer,

Watch their reaction, I bet they all cheer,

Cheered and Jeered,

Steered and Smeared,

Red, White and Blue,

Who actually asked you,

Maybe it’s time to shoo,

Hop on that choo-choo

Get the heck back to your nice house,

Stop telling dudes they can’t wear a blouse,

Get us back to reality,

Turn back on the gravity,

Lets feel all the levity,

Realize the brevity,

For real this time, we don’t have an eternity,

Hear the pop now,

Don’t stop now,

Shop now,

Not for stuff and things that are disposable,

Live a life quotable,

Not with the status quo,

It’s not uncontrollable,

You’re the star of the show,

Don’t take a bow until you know,

Make the sun shine, let yourself grow,

It’s never too late to see your own glow,

Thanks for your time, it’s precious I know,

When you struggle at times, remember the flow,

If life gives you lemons, trade them to someone who got limes.

If you don’t like limes, then just keep looking, there’s still time,

Open yourself to a new world sublime,

Where healing is free and almost no crime,

When true hope comes we can relax,

less hax, less tax, less wax, more lax,

some slack, don’t stack, halt the attack,

plant the seed, god speed, please heed,

We need good deed, maybe weed,

don’t impede, no misdeed, are we freed,

Peace for now, I like to say,

Have yourselves one great day.














Why the Vulgarity?

While the majority see vulgarity as something lewd unacceptable.  To me life is vulgar.  What is shared in public is a massively watered down version of the truth.  Mainstream music, movies, and television give us a clean version of stories.  Our clean versions use limited vocabularies to soften the blow of what we hear and see.  We then emulate that version into our everyday lives in how we interact with one another in public arenas.

So we then get to those situations you don’t talk about in the open.  The horrible atrocities that are committed on a daily basis.  Racial murders, rape, religious brutality.  That horrible and vulgar reality is more than most people can process.  It depresses us all.  With music and internet media not having the same filters we can be bombarded with those unspeakable topics more often and thus we internally fear we may start emulating that behavior, but instead more and more people are starting to empathize with more issues and causing some increased levels of depression.  We’re feeling more for others around the world than I believe humans have throughout it’s existence.  It also seems like more people are willing to spend their lives dedicated to helping each other in any way they can.  I’m noticing in the music world the songs are more about helping people through hard times and being supportive of the underdog.  It’s quite amazing and inspiring.

Through the worlds vulgarity we can see the true beauty that lies within each of us.  To combat our depression we have to understand why we feel it.  It’s not because you or I are somehow broken or different from masses.  Every person feels the weight, expressed in different ways.  It’s because we have felt pain from beginning.  Either our own or through empathy toward others.  So we are so depressed we no longer want to care, because we have always cared and can’t understand why others don’t feel the exact same way.  Why do all of the worlds atrocities still exists if everyone could feel empathy?  I believe it’s because of the cultures created to water down the truths we hear.

Amazing innovators such as Mark Zuckerberg, Reed Hastings, Dr. Dre, Jimmy Iovine, Elan Musk, and Clive Barker bring us ways of detaching from pre programed media and show us different ways of experiencing our world and seeing the each others troubles and tribulation.

I feel like we can work through depression without doctor prescribed medication.  We have to reconcile within ourselves our differing sides.  Don’t punish yourself for the horrible deeds done to you by someone else.  It wasn’t your fault.

Thank you for listening, until next time.  Peace to you and yours.


Song Ideas(explicit lyrics)


The following is my vulgar view of what I do.  If you are easily offended, skip this post, it’s not for you.  But if you have work days that simply drive you to the edge, read on.  Writing has been my favorite outlet.  Songs have a way of mixing words together to make sense of our chaotic lives.  Enjoy or skip it, that’s your call.(if you are related to me, you might just skip it, it’s THAT vulgar)

Line Cook Rap-Serious/Angry- attitude;

I’m a line cook bro, my pants are not pajamas,
I’m a semi pro at cooking food like bananas,
That’s not totally true I don’t enjoy that fruit,
I’m just glad I don’t work in a mother*ckin suit,
When printer spits I have to get to it,
Meat on the grill I know I won’t screw it…
Up ’cause I’m good at what I learned,
I know that sh*t won’t turn out f*ckin’ burned,
On to the next one after the other,
cookin with some homies that I call brother,
We’re brothers in arms purified by fire,
Standing in the heat feels like a pyre,
The funeral type ’cause that’s how rough it is,
Shut you’re f*ckin mouth or you’ll be eatin’ our jizz.
No offense that’s just how we talk,
Vent it out so we don’t leave a f*ckin chalk…
Outline…on the mother*ckin’ pavement,
Some days it’s not worth the payment,
Now it’s time to drop a the beat like battered cheese,
We don’t give a f*ck about you  fake allergies,
You’re… sitting at a table,
able to share fables
staring down at label,
the TV’s have cable,
talkin’ ’bout a livery stable,
That’s a live-a-ly table,
man, I hope the breads not stale.
Back to our story hand,
Cookin’ the sh*t as fast as I can.
That’s when the question is dropped,
“Will I be up soon”, then I just popped,
B*itch you know better than to ask that sh*t
Now it won’t come up until the next shift.
Not true, but I always think that,
I do my damn job don’t remind ass hat.
Just get back to your place,
yeah, better the f*ck out my face,
I got heat, meat, and a bad attitude,
It takes time it’s not convenience food,
The chaos stops and we recover,
Forget what was said now it’s over,
It’s all in past there’s no more fumin’
Never forget that we are just human.

Being you

I’ve heard “just be yourself” more times than I can count.  What happens when you don’t even know who you are anymore?  Maybe you braced your identity against your job or significant other.  Maybe you, like me, lived in a depressed state so long that you have no clue of the real self.  My discovery process deals with finding true likes and interests versus temporary obsessions based on differing levels of gratification.  I guess we are all the things we think we are.  All that we hope for.  All that we fear.  How I see it is that all of the options in your life exist, whether we can see it that way is another story all together.  Some very fortunate people see themselves early on as who they would like to become.  For the rest of us we barrel through stages in our lives hoping something sticks.

There is more to it, but my brain is scrambled lately trying to figure myself out.   I get bogged down by a crippling fear that since I did not start chasing a dream when I was young, that I have no chance at it.  To me, I call it “just being realistic”.  I wanna kick my own ass every time I hear that in my head.  What’s the next step?  Who knows.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

Helping Ourselves

I think there are a few misconceptions about depression that I would like to talk about tonight.  For some people it’s not a mood or phase.  It’s a life time.  There are great days and terrible days.

Some may think that losing interest in old hobbies or favorite past times is just you growing up.  To those that suffer severe depression it can feel like a loss of self.  Like a piece of you is missing now that you no longer like a certain music genre or book series.  I suffered through this for at least 4 years.  I thought I simply didn’t like or could not look forward to anything anymore.  The main catalyst was the anti anxiety meds I was on.  I have been able to reignite some interests lately, thankfully.  Music, philosophy, psychology, alchemy, and baseball have been topics of great excitement.

A fellow blogger talks about her experiences dealing with deep depression.  Along with several other bloggers I follow and that follow me.  Their internal struggles mirror my own.  Lost of interests is a common theme.  As is the feeling that people don’t understand us.  The depression we are going through is not a simple mood swing.  It’s a life altering disorder that, as I have talked about before, has no true cure yet.  We try clinical psychology(most effective), medication(ineffective), and a slew of different types of healing such as sound therapy, yoga(there are MANY different types now), and more obscure methods.

A terrible sense just washed over me.  People have been cashing in on depression for ages.  Religions, cults, pharmaceutical companies, and some less scrupulous psychologists.

From my own life I can suggest other ideas to help yourself.  The first suggestion will be starting a blog.  Write all of you feelings and ideas down so you can re read them as you struggle.  Vent it all.  Let  your thoughts flow into your hands.  2nd, discover new types of music.  Differing the sounds you expose yourself to will help you slowly shift your perspective.  In eastern philosophy, a person can meditate humming a specific tone.  This helps to focus your inner self.  Listening to music is our western way of accomplishing similar effects.

For me, I went so far as to get a pair of Beat by Dre headphones to experience the music in more detail.  Neither of those ideas costs you a thing.  There are also very few negative side effect.  Side effects include digging up old memories that make you sad, angry, etc.  I’m not claiming this will cure you at all, it might just help you a little.  Without costing you a thing.

Changing your diet may also have positive effects.  Not simply eating healthier, but trying foods outside your normal comfort zones.  Try some more robust flavors beyond the over simplified Salt/Sugar/Fat ratio.  Greek food has a unique bouquet of flavors.  Indian cuisine has been know for it’s high spices levels.  Italian can offer some fantastic varieties as well.

Lastly I would encourage a different type of physical activity.  Try DDP Yoga(personal favorite).  If you are already do Yoga, try walking as well.  Diamond Dallas Page, an ex professional wrestler, developed a yoga program that provides a wider range of activity.  He designed the program to provide physical rehabilitation, strength and endurance training, and body centering yoga.  He’s also a magnificent coach in his videos.  Full of energy and encouragement so you can progress at your own pace.

I’ve listed ways of allowing yourself to change externally, to prepare yourself for the internal alterations that you desire.  It’s stated over and over again, accepting yourself is important.  I am starting to believe that it’s not the first step, it’s one of the last.  It’s a way of looking at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  Accepting yourself, as we are told so often becomes the goal.  The self actualization.  You might be damaged, but so are we all.  YOU are not damaged beyond repair.  You DO have value.  HAVE faith in yourself.  A CHANCE is all your need to give yourself.

Think about it this way, as I have read before, your mind is a living organism just like the rest of you.  You can rehabilitate it, it’s an unseen physical injury, you just have to figure out your fixes.

Now I just have to get this message out to the rest of us.  Until Next time, peace to you and yours.

Full circle

Had you asked me last March if I would be where I was today, I would have spit venom and said not one chance.  I wanted my life completely changed in every way.  I knew deep down I was living wrong, I just didn’t understand how wrong.  Through a lot of musical meditation, alternative medicine, and introspection I have come to a point of peace in my life.  I feel as though I have reconciled the darkness and the light.  I feel comfortable in my own skin again.  I’m not saying I’m out of the woods yet, just that I can see the forest through the trees now.  I will keep sharing my life story, because I enjoy this type of therapy.  Thanks to each and every like and supportive word from each of you.  Even those that can’t ever reply.  I love you all.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.