Invisible Lines

Something different today.

Seems like our lives are encased in invisible lines,

Spaces and boundaries and moments in time,

That’s legal here, but over there it’s not,

I like you near, so near it gets hot,

But don’t talk about this, don’t speak about that,

Don’t tell people that you think they are flat,

Do what we say, follow the rules, stay in the lines,

Wrap yourself in these incorporeal vines,

Myspace, your space, their space, their place,

my place, don’t face, don’t pace, keep pace,

Follow along, hear the song, wait for the gong,

Take a breath and breathe, let rest your mind,

Your mind matters, it just takes time,

Drop the pills pour out the sauce,

Never forget you’re your boss,

The lines only exists if we let them,

Like who you like, even if it’s not men,

Colored lines are the worst, they drive me insane,

As though they were cursed for being in the wrong lane,

We the People need to realize we’re all the same,

People’s lives are not a frakkin’ game,

Stop playing with our health, it’s so lame,

Mental or physical, please treat us right,

No more medication to sleep through a night,

Let our hearts and minds run free once more,

Stop treating us all like that feasting boar,

Gorging yourself on our time causing gore,

The cost is too high, the time is neigh, don’t be shy,

Make yourself fly, sing to the sky, take back your pie,

Not just one slice, not one single piece,

Take the whole thing, it is within reach,

Look for what’s missing to see what’s to gain,

Freedom of speech has had time to explain,

No authority granted permits you spread pain,

So please feel free to drop your cane,

Do not hurt us, it’s inhumane,

Keep your fake cures, your thoughts are inane,

Breaking our minds so you can maintain,

A lifestyle that exceeds even Dr. Dre,

You drain our lives so you can play,

Broke our soul, can’t smoke a bowl,

It took it’s toll, you’re on a roll,

All that you stole, accept your own role,

Let’s take a stroll, dance around the pole,

No I won’t answer another poll,

Our choice was bad or evil,

Which did we choose,

I think it’s a weasel,

Can’t tell yet, that’s clear,

I bet it started at hold my beer,

Watch their reaction, I bet they all cheer,

Cheered and Jeered,

Steered and Smeared,

Red, White and Blue,

Who actually asked you,

Maybe it’s time to shoo,

Hop on that choo-choo

Get the heck back to your nice house,

Stop telling dudes they can’t wear a blouse,

Get us back to reality,

Turn back on the gravity,

Lets feel all the levity,

Realize the brevity,

For real this time, we don’t have an eternity,

Hear the pop now,

Don’t stop now,

Shop now,

Not for stuff and things that are disposable,

Live a life quotable,

Not with the status quo,

It’s not uncontrollable,

You’re the star of the show,

Don’t take a bow until you know,

Make the sun shine, let yourself grow,

It’s never too late to see your own glow,

Thanks for your time, it’s precious I know,

When you struggle at times, remember the flow,

If life gives you lemons, trade them to someone who got limes.

If you don’t like limes, then just keep looking, there’s still time,

Open yourself to a new world sublime,

Where healing is free and almost no crime,

When true hope comes we can relax,

less hax, less tax, less wax, more lax,

some slack, don’t stack, halt the attack,

plant the seed, god speed, please heed,

We need good deed, maybe weed,

don’t impede, no misdeed, are we freed,

Peace for now, I like to say,

Have yourselves one great day.















Why the Vulgarity?

While the majority see vulgarity as something lewd unacceptable.  To me life is vulgar.  What is shared in public is a massively watered down version of the truth.  Mainstream music, movies, and television give us a clean version of stories.  Our clean versions use limited vocabularies to soften the blow of what we hear and see.  We then emulate that version into our everyday lives in how we interact with one another in public arenas.

So we then get to those situations you don’t talk about in the open.  The horrible atrocities that are committed on a daily basis.  Racial murders, rape, religious brutality.  That horrible and vulgar reality is more than most people can process.  It depresses us all.  With music and internet media not having the same filters we can be bombarded with those unspeakable topics more often and thus we internally fear we may start emulating that behavior, but instead more and more people are starting to empathize with more issues and causing some increased levels of depression.  We’re feeling more for others around the world than I believe humans have throughout it’s existence.  It also seems like more people are willing to spend their lives dedicated to helping each other in any way they can.  I’m noticing in the music world the songs are more about helping people through hard times and being supportive of the underdog.  It’s quite amazing and inspiring.

Through the worlds vulgarity we can see the true beauty that lies within each of us.  To combat our depression we have to understand why we feel it.  It’s not because you or I are somehow broken or different from the masses.  Every person feels the weight, expressed in different ways.  It’s because we have felt pain from the beginning.  Either our own or through empathy toward others.  So we are so depressed we no longer want to care, because we have always cared and can’t understand why others don’t feel the exact same way.  Why do all of the worlds atrocities still exists if everyone could feel empathy?  I believe it’s because of the cultures created to water down the truths we hear.

Amazing innovators such as Mark Zuckerberg, Reed Hastings, Dr. Dre, Jimmy Iovine, Elan Musk, and Clive Barker bring us ways of detaching from pre programed media and show us different ways of experiencing our world and seeing the each others troubles and tribulation.

I feel like we can work through depression without doctor prescribed medication.  We have to reconcile within ourselves our differing sides.  Don’t punish yourself for the horrible deeds done to you by someone else.  It wasn’t your fault.

Thank you for listening, until next time.  Peace to you and yours.


Obsession at its finest

I get an idea in my head and I won’t let it go.  Right or wrong I ride it out.  Whether I know the end result will only be disappointment or not.  No one sees that side of OCD.  It’s why I’m typing now.  I wanted to go do other things, but I feeling the overwhelming urge to write, to share, to express myself.  I hate suffering  like this, at times.  At other times it’s comforting, the forced repetition.  It brings peace, even if the end result is negative.  The media I have seen on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder displays that obsession of repetition in physically obvious manner, like Michael J. Fox showed us in the show Scrubs season 3 episodes “My Catalyst” and “My Porcelain God”.  In those it shows him washing his hands over and over uncontrollably.  That is what goes on in our minds.  Thoughts that must be seen to completion every time, whether we want them to or not.  It can hurt us in SO many ways.  For me, it’s financially.  My obsession is spending.  Or, to be more specific, instant gratification.  Gambling, needless collectables, and worse, digital goods and game services.  I know my disorder, how to identify it, how to explain it, but not how to control it.  I do know that until I worked through my depression, I would not be able to move forward with trying to tackle OCD.  This blog and especially those of you that read often and show it have been a major catalyst in healing.  I feel I need to share my story, in case someone does not know what’s happening to them.  A type of anchor for the other broken souls, the Disorderlies(not trademarked, just amusing.  You are not trapped in your disorder forever.  There are people, just like me, out there that are looking for ways to help you, and I.

I had planned on sharing my full story that I have uncovered recently or seemingly unearthed, for there are skeletons I would not ever like to see again, but I want to show you my scars.  Maybe if you see mine, you will see you are not forgotten and not unknown.

I was abused both physically and mentally in my early years by a babe sitter and her twin daughters.  I was a latch key kid, alone more often than not.  Later in school years I was bullied and became an outcast.  Although I met some of the best people I have ever know there.  I made a cascade of bad choices.  I tried to right myself by joining the United States Air Force, but I was far too damaged to succeed.  By then my OCD had become a life altering impediment.  I could not stop spending, even knowing I would fail in doing so.  I did not know what was happening to me.  All I knew is that I had failed.  Not really understanding why.  That is also where I met the 4th worst human ever in my life.  She destroyed all that was good and light inside me by cheating on me time after time.  But I was too obsessed with having a relationship to stop seeing her.  She then got pregnant and life got more complicated then I could comprehend.  After nearly a decade of being a dark soul, emotionally hurting people I never wanted to  Only a few true friends remain in my life from those horrible years, that I see as the most fun I have ever had.  Only when I reflect on my actions of those days do I regret some of my choices.  I ripped myself out of that life at age 30, bringing with me my son and soon to be wife.  The going was rough, to say the least, because I as far from healed then.  That’s when my OCD actually helped me through impossible times.  My job has been the ultimate physical repetition.  I stand in the same place I did when I started 13 years ago.  I cook the same food I did all those years ago, with only minor alterations.  It’s how I survived those most depressed years.  It took my mid life crisis striking me earlier this year, just after turning 43, that I have really started dealing with all of the things I have just shared with all of you.  There are layers upon layers to how the depression started to lift and music, family, friends, my job, and a few other things I can’t talk about, yet, have helped me through the darkest hours.  I would have had a complete nervous breakdown, had it not been through constant introspection.  Through that introspection I discovered my complete and total belief in God and his miracles.  I hope by message can help others to break through their own darkness and hopelessness.  I have faith it will, when you are ready to hear it, or rather read it.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

freedom and what it means to me

I think we need to stop attacking our own people. Service members should not be discriminated against. Regardless of race, religion, sex, or gender. Our military should stand for the rights our soldiers die to uphold. Anything less would be treason to our constitution.  How can our government turn it’s back on it’s own people.  It was announced that President Trump has banned transgender people from serving in the military.  If this is real news, this is about as un-American as it gets.  Our entire system has been fighting for the freedoms of citizens.  Our equal opportunity employment views have been widely accepted.  Why now would we take a stand against another group?  Freedom should mean more to each of us than just speaking our minds.  Even if you don’t support their lifestyle, supporting their rights as Americans is critical.  If only I were a louder voice.  Maybe I could rise above the din of discontent.  Equality can have no barrier or limits.  The devil is in the details, as they say.  Once you start peeling away things a single group finds offensive, you strip away that which makes equality thrive.

All types of music

I am one of the few people I know that actually enjoys all manner of music.  Rap, Rock, Country, R&B, Jazz, Heavy Metal, Punk, Alternative, and all the music of different countries.  I enjoy the entertainers that write their own music, because they use the music to tell their story.  Above that they create melodic tales of things you may not know yet.  Every type of music tells a life story, just through different perspectives.  Country used a very grounded and rousing style to tell the tales of cowboys, the simple life, and the outdoors.  Rockers sing ballads of love that can shake your soul.  Metal music is tough for a lot of people to listen to, because the words normally come from someone who understands real pain.

Rappers are by far my favorite because they now encompass all walks of life.  Rich and poor they sing songs we understand.  The leaders of this revolution of rapping about real life for me started back in the days of “gangsta rap”.  They dared the system to stop them from telling us about how ugly the streets could be to people.  They shouted out against injustice.  People hated hearing them.  Because they used vulgarity, but the world is a vulgar place.  It scared a lot of people when they realized what had been hidden from them.  Groups like NWA challenged a broken system and won after a bloody battle.  Our eyes are more open to our brothers and sisters who live worlds away from us.  So we can stand with them.  Now there are rappers who stand up for the broken souls.

The Warped Tour showed me the depths that musicians will go to get their messages out.  Associations like A Voice for the Innocents, which is an abuse help group were there to support the fans.  All of the voices that go unheard had performers there to let them know they were NOT alone.  A message that I myself try and propagate.  It was moving to me.  As most people would shun the concert goers.  They dressed different.  They wore their hair in stranger ways.  In that atmosphere they were all accepted.  This is the power of music.  Thanks for listening.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

a good day

Today is a good day.  I have been through so much lately, but this morning when I woke up things were just a shade different.

I would like to talk about faith, but before we get started lets clarify that I mean faith in the broadest sense of the word and in no way mean any specific faith based anything.  One of the amazing things that faith does for a person is to open themselves up for more introspection.  We take a closer look at ourselves, our words, and our deeds.  It’s not a crutch for the weak minded, nor is it a tool for controlling the masses.  It’s a means for every person to look inside themselves and evaluate what they like and don’t like about themselves.  It inspires us to reconcile with ourselves, thus allowing better relationships with other people.

I would also like to banish the notion that faith and science are to be separate.  A logical mind can still believe in things/powers/energies that are greater than ourselves.  It also allows some of us to understand that we are not always in control of our surroundings.  We can however, control how we respond to them.  To me, faith can be something so simple as just letting yourself stop worrying about doing everything all at once.  Allowing yourself to rest your mind in the fact that everything will work out the way it is meant to.

For me I believe in God, as well as the natural law that exists through all things.  I believe he communicates to us in ways that we can comprehend.  She allows us greater insight into our own emotions and give us the ability to empathize with others more easily.  They set standards of actions, so that we can use our free will for the better of everyone, not just own selfish desires.

I believe we are all connected at the core.  The only reason, in my opinion, that we don’t have a utopian society is that we don’t want one yet.  We have discovered that through adversity and strife that the best and worst traits of mankind can be explored at great length.  We as a species have yet to reach the pinnacle of our potential.

Faith shows us a way to look inside ourselves in a manner above and beyond the basics of introspection.  Science gives us ways to take that understanding of a greater world and push it’s limits farther.  We have made great strides as a people, but we have a long way to go.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

Jarred Brown-Full Father Alchemist

What if?

I believe that today, in 2017, we should be able to all see reason.  We should be able to come together as a race and start thinking like it.  What if we, as one race, could once again get together, as they did in the times of the Library of Alexandria, and re examine each religion and it’s branches to find out what unites them, rather than focus on what separates us.  Those with true faith, no matter their back ground, could come to a greater understanding of the love thy neighbor idea.  Not just the one down the street.  I mean the ones oceans away from us.  Like I have said recently, we really are not all that different.  We are all humans with thoughts and emotions.  These emotions are the same for every person.  Happy is happy, sad is sad, and so on.  The only difference is the ones we create within our own paradigm.  Remember when we were children?  The only way we had an issue with another human is if they did something directly to us.  Otherwise every face was someone new and exciting to meet.  Somewhere along the way we lost that awe and wonderment.  Taught early on that we are all different.  Special little snowflakes.  No two are alike.  Polarized.

I am no one of consequence.  I don’t have a degree yet.  I am a simple cook in the middle of the USA.  If I can come to this understanding, it’s not hard for me to believe that a greater majority could too.  Stop looking at what makes us separated.  We can all be different without being at odds.

How do we get to this point?  I don’t have those answers.  I wish I did.  We have to take back our world.  Have a great day.  Peace to you and yours.

Christmas in July

I am watching a TV series on Hulu called The Librarians.  It’s a really enjoyable series.  This episode is about Christmas.  It’s meaning is to remind us that the Christmas holiday is about reminding people of the hope and good will that the season brings.  We should have holidays like that more than once a year!  I enjoy that time of year, because most everyone takes some time to spread that joy around.

I’ve really been pondering a lot about these kinds of ideals lately.  Things come in to perspective every once in a while for me.  A few years ago I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed Citalopram.  The drug worked great at first, I felt better about life and things were easier to cope with.  After a rather short time I had to have the dosage increased due to a built up tolerance.  I have not even considered taking my own life.  It never crossed  my mind, until after using the Citalopram.  I understood the danger I was in, so I consulted my doctor and was changed to Duloxetine.  This drug chemically neutered me, I started to gain weight as well as having lost nearly all interest in my previous hobbies.  In the week following my last birthday, I had an internal meltdown that resulted igniting my mid life crisis to an extreme degree.  Instead of making a few subtle changes I decided to completely overhaul my entire life.  In all of this time, the realization of my obsessive compulsive disorder flaring out of control compacted all of my troubles.  I put us in a debt that will take me some time to earn out of.

Through all of this I have caused grief to some, of which I am very sorry.  Also I have come to realize that I might just be lucky, in a sense.  Since I had never contemplated suicide a time in my life, when it did come to mind I was able to understand it was not real.  I panic when I think about that.  What about those who might think it’s real.

A result, all of these past events have lead me to lean on my faith in God and to study further into Logos, The Word of God.  I doubt my faith on a nearly daily basis, but was reminded by a fellow blogger today that sometimes you need to let go and leave things in God’s hands for a time.  is the article, it’s worth a read.

I have started reading the Corpus Hermeticus and The Hermetica, which are believed to be written by Hermes and translated later in the wonderous city of Alexandria.  It’s beginning is what seems to be the very first conversation between man and Man-Shepard, or what we understand as God.  It’s a reminder that even back then, most of the worlds civilized people could come together from all races and religions available to the area to unite in ideas and theories to further the entire species.  So I have hope that one day we’ll know that kind of peace again.  Peace to you and yours.

Sadness of Snowflakes

I realized the other day that we, the human race, are all special little snowflakes.

We are each a unique individual from the moment of creation, until we are then reminded that we are, in fact, all the same drops of water as we return to the earth.

I hope more people will come to see it this way.  The only way to bring more harmony to our world is to stop being in constant conflict.  Remember to love your individuality AND your unity.

So I ask you, when you see you are the same, does it make you sad to know that for all of your uniqueness you are the same as the worst person you’ve ever met?  Or are you happy that you are the same as the most amazing humans to every walk the earth?  I say choose to accept both truths as one and the same.  Don’t polarize yourself as much.


Free will

Had an interesting conversation at work today about free will.  A few authors have touched on this point, so I find our discussion validated.  I see that we don’t really use our free will at all.  If we did, would we continue to sell our time for stuff.  Would we continue to repeat tasks over and over again just so others can eat with plastic silverware?  I find it hard to believe that higher functioning beings like us choose to willingly do harm to others simply on the orders of strangers.  Perhaps something happened back in the early 1900’s.  Maybe some groups of people figured out that the only way to control a population was through constant conflict.  For the record, those events are on record as being true.  So maybe it’s not so far fetched as to think that our perception of freedom and free will are being manipulated.  If you could do anything in the world, would you choose to work with people you would normally never accept in the “real world”?  I wouldn’t.  If I really had a choice, I would not sell my time and my families time for a wooden box that keeps out the rain filled with items of distractions.  I might do so much more…like just live and enjoy what the world and it’s people had to offer one another.

Peace to you and yours.  Wish everyone you see a great day.