Scary

Why is it so scary to feel good,

What is it I misunderstood,

Wave of happy we never want to stop,

Gotta remember can’t live at the top,

The low and highs are all part and partial,

Feeling happy, we just can’t marshall,

Our internal light was growing neigh,

If we can’t be happy, we just want to die,

But it’s all in the balance, I hope you can see,

Relish the light of creativity,

Enduring the lows became the normal,

Feeling the highs is feeling formal,

Denying ourselves the basic desires,

Not letting it out, just stoking the fires,

Living in rage,

No more on stage,

Life in a cage,

Seeking a sage,

Seething in rage,

Not turning the page

Found only a maze,

Looking inwards a haze,

Past memories a blaze,

My mind in a craze,

But pardon my phrase,

I speak out of phase,

Overwhelming malaise,

Felt lost in that maze,

My minotaur would enrage,

Past memories were now pyres,

Creativity re-inspires,

Life changed from uniformal,

To nearly paranormal,

Nor more passivity,

More clearly now I can see,

There is so much more behind my eye,

I can now permit myself to cry,

No longer now shall I stall,

This life to give must get it all,

I must discard my prop,

One more habit I must drop,

It is no longer misunderstood,

We are allowed to feel good.

 

 

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In Doubt

Dear lord please hear me out,

Many people are live in doubt,

I wanna scream and shout,

It’s not fair let them out,

We trusted, got dusted, some busted, maladjusted, still crusted, disgusted

Hooked on a chem, crooked rich men, free us from them, tired of waiting ’til then,

Why does humanity act like an experiment,

For rich or poor we’re all here, a testament,

Our souls are here to the show what we meant,

Sing, write, play, show, paint, vent.

Always about to boil,

Forgot why we toil,

Why must they foil,

Can’t we just live in peace,

Live our lives, love life, we’re here on lease,

Give us a break before we all cease.

 

 

 

 

 

Say When

When will I be free of the chains that shackle me,

Invisible lines that keep holding me,

Back from the world I want to see,

When is it ok to be,

All the things I love in me,

When can I shake off the shroud of internal anonymity,

See myself able to be free,

The fragments of sanity in a sea of failed sobriety,

Is my world really that dreary,

Once I hear the word maybe,

Stuck in binds I can clearly see,

I put them there, you see,

These bonds I wear are part of me,

The wounds that cut so deeply,

Make me cry internally,

My battles scars are here eternally,

I have to learn it’s ok to be,

Damaged, not permanently,

Just marks with personality,

The game started prematurely,

I wasn’t ready, I tell myself sadly,

The person I was fades into obscurity,

Now it’s time, tomorrow might never be,

Can I, I ask, I guess time will see.

 

 

 

 

Back to School

Today was a bitter sweet day

The children return to school to play

Summer is our time to shine, wish it would stay

But life must move forward can’t remain that way

Some parents relish this time, for me is causes dismay

I give myself to the evenings, my mornings are gray

Why speak in poetry, I ask myself, to convey

The exercise is good, a different way to parlay

I change the tempo and scheme, even the delay

But keep moving forward, try and cast away

The troubled time my mind brings, so they can’t out weigh

I ask myself lately, what do I do, to keep in the fray

Fight the good fight, be a good person, a good father everyday

My soul has scars, my heart is heavy, I just want to lay

Sleep, no more sadness and pain, I know it’s cliche

But I will not falter, only stumble along, make way

I kinda like my scar now, all the miles on my highway

To we celebrated my wife’s birthday

She deserves much more than I can purvey

Happiness is my the gift I choose to spray

The next poem will I write I’ll have to sway

I hope my next round won’t be so passe

All the pieces

Not sure they’ll all fit

So many parts, so little space

Fragmented self, needed a hit

Wasn’t sure I could keep pace

A mental knock on the noggin, a little wit

Mix with music and family, she’s truly my ace

Do I leave out the parts that make me want to quit

Keep them I say, they keep me in my place

A place I belong, the place I commit

A state of mind so far from this race

The rats almost won, I felt so unfit

I hated so many memories, lost color in my face

Almost thought I was gone, a few steps from split

I write my story, place it in a showcase

So that other won’t feel counterfeit

Our stories only differ in the details, our human race

But we’re all the same, you have to admit

Your pain is my pain, I would embrace

Any person who felt the need to submit

We stand united, the wounded who feel disgrace

Pick your head up with mine, this is it

Don’t relent to the coup de grace

You’re not alone in all this shit

The moral of the story is not common place

We need to heal depression, lickety split

 

 

 

American Lie

DSCF0313This is gonna be a weird one, a simple parody using Don McLean’s American Pie song as the skeletal framework.

A long long time ago, I can still remember how the music used to make you cry

and you knew if you had once chance, you would stop the people’s dance, and make them believe they where happy for a while

The rap music made you shiver, with every curse word they delivered

Bad news on your door step; we cannot take one more step.

I can remember all the times I cried, when  I read about those blatant lies

But something touched me deep inside, the day the music cried

so bye bye, this American Lie, drive your Chevy round the country ’til the your gas tank runs dry,

Them good ole boys who said you should stay inside, singing that will be the day when you die.

That will be the day that you die.

You click on Facebook things you love, it could be a face upon a glove,

If the media tells you so.

Don’t listen to those frikken trolls, this product saves your immoral soul,

and we sell pills to “make you grow”,

Cause I know that you’re in love with thin, and don’t want to be in a gym

Just kick off your shoes, and take these pills of blue,

You’re a lonely teen feeling out of touch, just take these pills they’re a pick-me-up,

But then we all ran out of luck, the day we allowed them to lie.

Now for some singing,

Bye Bye this America Lie, drive your Chevy ’round the country till the gas tank runs dry,

Them good ole boys are banking that you will die, and singing “this will be the day no one cried”

This will be the day no one cried.

Now for some years we’ve been on our own,

the cats grew fat on your kidney stone,

But that’s not how it’s ‘Sposed to be,

When the jester became the king of mean,

raised the price of his product really obscene,

and a voice that came from Dre and ‘Sky

While The People were feeling down,

they gave us pills to steal that frown,

Our minds started to burn,

Our faith’s been overturned,

and while we learn about the Starks,

the music’s tryin to start a spark

and they spout rhymes to make us arc,

They rap so we can cry.

Even more singing,

bye bye, this American Lie, drive your Chevy ’round the country ’til the gas tank runs dry,

Them good ole’ boys know now that we will not die,

singing “This Won’t be the day that we die”

This won’t be the day that we die.

They made us zombies like horror shamblers,

no cure in sight only brain scramblers,

Eight Mile was a good movie, a blast!

They’ve killed criminals with gas,

even unborn babies don’t get a pass,

feels like we’re next and I think it’s ass.

I think for some it’s now high noon,

Our voices will been heard soon.

This will be our stance,

Oh, this time, there’s a chance,

They will try and make us yield,

But it’s our time on this field,

The world will know what’s been reveal,

The day, we stop these lies.

Yet again sining,

Bye bye, this American Lie, drive your Chevy ’round the country ’till the gas tank runs dry.

Them good ole boys will be the ones who will cry,

singing “This will be the day no one died”

This will be the day no one died.

Oh, and there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space with no time left to start again (this line transcends itself from song to song)

So come on: lets get nimble, must help the sick!

You gave us drugs that broke us, dick

Soon you will be out of friends.

Oh, and as you watch Trump on the stage, your hands all clenched in fists of rage

He was not born in hell, wake up from the spell,

Now that you can see it is time to fight to stop sacrificing our health for pyrite,

We’ll all be laughing with delight,

The day they were allowed to cry.

Jeez more singing,

Bye Bye, this American Lie, the price is to heavy and we don’t want to die.

You good ole boys take a bow swallow your pride.

singing “this will be the day Pharma died”

This will be the day Pharma died.

We ALL have so many blues

we’re ready for some happy news

this time no one turns away.

Now listen to your favorite score,

hear their songs like never before,

No one should tell you what you can play,

Start taking walks, let your smile beam

Watch lovers smile, and share your dream

Where they are spoken,

or rapped or sung while tokin’

You’ll find who you admire most,

Maybe father, son, or the holy ghost,

This is your shot, not a hoax,

The day, you let lies die.

one last time singing,

Bye Bye, this American Lie, no more bullshit claims, even when we drive by.

So good ole boys now it’s time to let fly,

The poisons that made us all blind

The poisons that made us all blind.

Bye Bye, this American Lie, we have suffered long enough and now it’s time so say Bye.

them good ole boys cashing in now should fry,

but we’re not them, it’s time to rest.  bye

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Invisible Lines

Something different today.

Seems like our lives are encased in invisible lines,

Spaces and boundaries and moments in time,

That’s legal here, but over there it’s not,

I like you near, so near it gets hot,

But don’t talk about this, don’t speak about that,

Don’t tell people that you think they are flat,

Do what we say, follow the rules, stay in the lines,

Wrap yourself in these incorporeal vines,

Myspace, your space, their space, their place,

my place, don’t face, don’t pace, keep pace,

Follow along, hear the song, wait for the gong,

Take a breath and breathe, let rest your mind,

Your mind matters, it just takes time,

Drop the pills pour out the sauce,

Never forget you’re your boss,

The lines only exists if we let them,

Like who you like, even if it’s not men,

Colored lines are the worst, they drive me insane,

As though they were cursed for being in the wrong lane,

We the People need to realize we’re all the same,

People’s lives are not a frakkin’ game,

Stop playing with our health, it’s so lame,

Mental or physical, please treat us right,

No more medication to sleep through a night,

Let our hearts and minds run free once more,

Stop treating us all like that feasting boar,

Gorging yourself on our time causing gore,

The cost is too high, the time is neigh, don’t be shy,

Make yourself fly, sing to the sky, take back your pie,

Not just one slice, not one single piece,

Take the whole thing, it is within reach,

Look for what’s missing to see what’s to gain,

Freedom of speech has had time to explain,

No authority granted permits you spread pain,

So please feel free to drop your cane,

Do not hurt us, it’s inhumane,

Keep your fake cures, your thoughts are inane,

Breaking our minds so you can maintain,

A lifestyle that exceeds even Dr. Dre,

You drain our lives so you can play,

Broke our soul, can’t smoke a bowl,

It took it’s toll, you’re on a roll,

All that you stole, accept your own role,

Let’s take a stroll, dance around the pole,

No I won’t answer another poll,

Our choice was bad or evil,

Which did we choose,

I think it’s a weasel,

Can’t tell yet, that’s clear,

I bet it started at hold my beer,

Watch their reaction, I bet they all cheer,

Cheered and Jeered,

Steered and Smeared,

Red, White and Blue,

Who actually asked you,

Maybe it’s time to shoo,

Hop on that choo-choo

Get the heck back to your nice house,

Stop telling dudes they can’t wear a blouse,

Get us back to reality,

Turn back on the gravity,

Lets feel all the levity,

Realize the brevity,

For real this time, we don’t have an eternity,

Hear the pop now,

Don’t stop now,

Shop now,

Not for stuff and things that are disposable,

Live a life quotable,

Not with the status quo,

It’s not uncontrollable,

You’re the star of the show,

Don’t take a bow until you know,

Make the sun shine, let yourself grow,

It’s never too late to see your own glow,

Thanks for your time, it’s precious I know,

When you struggle at times, remember the flow,

If life gives you lemons, trade them to someone who got limes.

If you don’t like limes, then just keep looking, there’s still time,

Open yourself to a new world sublime,

Where healing is free and almost no crime,

When true hope comes we can relax,

less hax, less tax, less wax, more lax,

some slack, don’t stack, halt the attack,

plant the seed, god speed, please heed,

We need good deed, maybe weed,

don’t impede, no misdeed, are we freed,

Peace for now, I like to say,

Have yourselves one great day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Song Ideas(explicit lyrics)

 

The following is my vulgar view of what I do.  If you are easily offended, skip this post, it’s not for you.  But if you have work days that simply drive you to the edge, read on.  Writing has been my favorite outlet.  Songs have a way of mixing words together to make sense of our chaotic lives.  Enjoy or skip it, that’s your call.(if you are related to me, you might just skip it, it’s THAT vulgar)

Line Cook Rap-Serious/Angry- attitude;

I’m a line cook bro, my pants are not pajamas,
I’m a semi pro at cooking food like bananas,
That’s not totally true I don’t enjoy that fruit,
I’m just glad I don’t work in a mother*ckin suit,
When printer spits I have to get to it,
Meat on the grill I know I won’t screw it…
Up ’cause I’m good at what I learned,
I know that sh*t won’t turn out f*ckin’ burned,
On to the next one after the other,
cookin with some homies that I call brother,
We’re brothers in arms purified by fire,
Standing in the heat feels like a pyre,
The funeral type ’cause that’s how rough it is,
Shut you’re f*ckin mouth or you’ll be eatin’ our jizz.
No offense that’s just how we talk,
Vent it out so we don’t leave a f*ckin chalk…
Outline…on the mother*ckin’ pavement,
Some days it’s not worth the payment,
Now it’s time to drop a the beat like battered cheese,
We don’t give a f*ck about you  fake allergies,
You’re… sitting at a table,
able to share fables
staring down at label,
the TV’s have cable,
talkin’ ’bout a livery stable,
That’s a live-a-ly table,
man, I hope the breads not stale.
Back to our story hand,
Cookin’ the sh*t as fast as I can.
That’s when the question is dropped,
“Will I be up soon”, then I just popped,
B*itch you know better than to ask that sh*t
Now it won’t come up until the next shift.
Not true, but I always think that,
I do my damn job don’t remind ass hat.
Just get back to your place,
yeah, better the f*ck out my face,
I got heat, meat, and a bad attitude,
It takes time it’s not convenience food,
The chaos stops and we recover,
Forget what was said now it’s over,
It’s all in past there’s no more fumin’
Never forget that we are just human.

Learning to cope

I have been able to recall most all of the negative factors that I let control my life.  My challenge now is to cope with them and make peace within myself so I can move forward.  When I first met my wife, I learned early on of some dark things that have happened to her.  I had thought I was saving her.  I may have assisted in some ways, but she has, in turn helped save me from myself.  Since she has had to deal with those memories for so long, she is very understanding and supportive of me while I have gone through this breakdown and rebuilding process.

This blog has been a wonderful source of sharing.  I know I have said this before, but for those of you who have not considered writing/reading other peoples blogs, I would suggest you dive in to WordPress for a few minutes.  This is a forum for people from all over the world to share their lives in glorious goriest detail.  It is what reality TV should have been.  It is pure and unscripted life, full of an ocean of emotions.  You can read and see the beautiful things your neighbors perceive.  It make me believe there is a chance for the world to change.  If more people can see that we are all so similar, then we can simply stop acknowledging the divides to push us apart.

As I have been working through my depression and as I learn to cope with OCD, I have delved deep into introspection and philosophy as a means of understanding the how and why of human behavior.  I think that if I can understand myself better, that I can reach out to others and understand them better.  Thus allowing me to find a better way for mass numbers of people to work through their own depression, rather than medicating it with pharmaceutical drugs that do more harm than good, to some.  Now if I can just figure out how to put this all together and make it make sense.  Less people would have to pay to feel better.  Less people would have to spend so much on trying to get healed internally.  They could gain the strength and self confidence that comes from dealing with your issues head on.  Accepting yourself is a long process, but it is possible.

And maybe, just maybe, once the majority realize they can help themselves, then we can reach out to one another.  We can all then start working towards real and lasting peace.  The war machine can take a rest.  We the people can take care of the rest.

I think I’ve said enough for now, I’m just a simple man.  But I swear, if I can reach this point of understanding, anyone can.  I like to believe there is hope again.  So I can start to cope, again.   Cope with a reality that reeks of racism still.  Cope with seeing that sexism just can’t die.  Coping with the fact that sexual assault still assaults our friends and family.  I was hoping this world would be better by now.  I grew up believing that one day all of the petty things that tear us asunder would be nothing but past memories.  Like the scars inside of me.  Like the scars inside of you.  Everyone person in this world is given free will.  Free to take any action.  Free to say any words.  It’s time for the billions and billions of quiet souls to shout now.  Shout at our world itself.  Remind ourselves that we are more than just the sum total of our cell phones and social media accounts.  For a simple man that had enough to say, I guess I sure had more just sitting around in the corners of my mind.  Words that I think might help just one or two people, so they can help a few and so on and so forth until we hear that popcorn sound.

I am inspired to write by artists I listen to and by the stories I’ve read on here.  Along with the wonderful Instagram stories I follow.  I’ve learned that normally the nicest people have the deepest scars, because they don’t want anyone else to feel what they have.  I’ve learned that faith comes in every shape and size.  I’ve learned that people have not forgotten how to be amazing.  From the performers at the Warped Tour, to the magnificent sponsors, to the person who transformed right in front of me in the Watsky line.

There is hope for us all still.

Thanks for listen.  Until next time, peace to you and yours.

Side note- My wife has been grown her nail tech business very nicely, check her out at https://www.facebook.com/Ladybugsnailsalon/posts/1854932878157668?notif_t=notify_me_page&notif_id=1501253941122608  thanks!

 

 

Sadness of Snowflakes

I realized the other day that we, the human race, are all special little snowflakes.

We are each a unique individual from the moment of creation, until we are then reminded that we are, in fact, all the same drops of water as we return to the earth.

I hope more people will come to see it this way.  The only way to bring more harmony to our world is to stop being in constant conflict.  Remember to love your individuality AND your unity.

So I ask you, when you see you are the same, does it make you sad to know that for all of your uniqueness you are the same as the worst person you’ve ever met?  Or are you happy that you are the same as the most amazing humans to every walk the earth?  I say choose to accept both truths as one and the same.  Don’t polarize yourself as much.